Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Wicket the Ewok and Alvin the Chipmunk
Small, Furry and Cute, yet Potentially Deadly
Since its release on December 18th, I have been threatened repeatedly with the possible viewing of the latest Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, "The Road Chip."
While thirteen years of parenthood has taught me that I can utterly debase myself and still live to see another day...or another insipid, grating movie... the Chipmunks movies- and yes- I have seen the first three multiple times each- truly strain my ability to cope. Excessive exposure to high pitched voices caused me to have some sort of a toxic physical reaction during the musical finale of the second movie. I made it through my theater viewing of the third film only through strategic napping.
Confronted with several requests from my sons to see "The Road Chip," I gave some serious consideration to hiring a sitter to go with them. But sadly, when I factor in the cost of tickets and popcorn, in addition to paying a sitter, the economics of the situation just didn't seem viable. Mostly, I have just been employing evasion and distraction, hoping that the movie will have left the theaters before we manage to see it. Then we will have to watch it later at home, but at least I can flee the room when it becomes too much.
Over this last weekend, we managed to deflect the boys onto watching Star Wars movies at home instead. (Not that their father would ever see a Chipmunk movie in a theater...like Music Together classes, that is truly a bridge too far for him)
Nonetheless, while I would rather watch "Return of the Jedi" several times in place of surviving any single Chipmunk movie, I cannot say that I regard the Ewok portions of "Jedi" with anything approaching enthusiasm. I appreciate my sons' affection for Ewoks, and I do not mind drawing "Endorians," but for me, Ewoks are merely further along on the spectrum of insipid furry annoyance that includes Alvin, Simon and Theo.
This image probably documents my barely veiled hostility. Since Star Wars cognoscenti know that Ewoks are potentially deadly carnivores, I'm thinking that things might not look so good for tasty little morsel Alvin. Size matters not, unless you are a much smaller furry thing.