July Fourth Hotdog

Happy July 4th

Joey Chestnut, again the winner of the annual Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest, prepares to ingest Hotdog Rick.

This napkin was a very brief effort, mostly executed between viewing the NYC fireworks and the broadcast of the latest episode of Rick and Morty. 

An exciting evening at our house.

Hope your fourth was exciting.

Captain Planet for Earth Day 2021

Clumsy Cheadle Portrait Meets Combustible Crucifer

When our younger son suggested I draw Captain Planet today, he was thinking of the original animated show “Captain Planet and the Planeteers” from back in the 90’s.  It was considerably after my time, and well before his.

I gather both of our kids were aware of Captain Planet because of its memeification... (is that a word yet?) and because one notorious episode concerning drug addiction features an overdose, so the internet is interested in that sort of thing. 

But despite the amazing list of celebrities voicing the villains, (Ed Asner, Jeff Goldblum, Meg Ryan,  Martin Sheen, Sting, Malcolm McDowell, etc, etc) I can’t remember ever having seen the show. 

But I do remember the Don Cheadle parody where the Captain goes insane and turns everyone into trees: “Remember to recycle or I’ll turn you into a f*cking tree!”  He is quite on the wavelength of Ultron and Thanos, destroying humanity for its own good. 

I think there was also a bit where he turned a guy into broccoli for failing to recycle a bottle. 

We had a long history with my passive aggressive representations of broccoli on my kids’ lunch napkins, so a flaming floret seemed appropriate for today. 

Valentines Day Grogu Cupid

Happy Valentines Day 2021

I once drew napkins to gratify my sons’ wishes, now my goal might be to make them cringe. Is this my job as a parent of teens? 

We might all be tired of Baby Yoda, but it seemed like the obvious choice.

Happy New Year 2021

One last incendiary image for the year, badly drawn on an absorbent paper product.

Our most inflammatory napkin was the pairing of Trump and the Star Wars prequels buffoon, Jar Jar Binks, back in the pre-end times of January 2016.  At the time, I wrote something about how my sons, despite knowing little about politics at the time, had an irrational hatred of Donald Trump, which was possibly only exceeded by their irrational hatred of Jar Jar. 

We had just watched “The Revenge of the Sith,” so I was thinking about the fanboy theory that George Lucas had originally intended for Jar Jar to be revealed at the end of the saga to be the top Sith Lord, the ultimate bad guy. My title for the post was “Could Idiocy Mask an Evil Master Plan?”

There’s definitely been enough idiocy and genuine evil to go around this year, (and the four years that preceded it) but I don’t think the two have been conspiring in quite the way I was suggesting back in 2016. 

As I mentioned, it was definitely our most vehemently protested napkin post. Unsurprisingly, no one spoke up to support Jar Jar. I had not considered that we had many followers who would be so offended by this pairing. One irritated commenter memorably suggested that I needed to draw Barack Obama with Satan to even the score.  

Poor Jar Jar. At least he presumably lives long ago in a galaxy far, far away.....

Here’s to hoping that 2021 will not be so frequently described as a container of burning trash.

Presidential Tanning

Four Tan Men:

(Happy Presidents Day)

I gather from a few minutes of online research that today’s school holiday originated as George Washington’s Birthday (February 22nd), later included Abraham Lincoln’s birthday (February 12th)...and was finally codified into a federal holiday by Richard Nixon’s executive order, passing all of the provisions of the Uniform Monday Holiday Act in 1971. 

In other words, an opportunity to draw our current executive in chief with some of his holiday-related predecessors.

I notice the color photos of Richard Nixon available online seem to suggest that he was often a well tanned man. (The days of Kodachrome film perhaps?)

One can only guess that in the days before electric lights, Presidents Washington and Lincoln got enough outdoor time to maintain their healthy complexions. 

Happy Valentines 2020

We Ship Baby Yoda and Pikachu for Valentines Day:

I really aspired to coming up with something less predictable than this, but predictable was the best I could do today.

Our son commented that there might be a lot of romantic fan fic out there about these two. I cannot confirm or deny.

See previous Valentines napkins at this link

Mandalorian Menorah

Happy 8th Night of Hanukkah 

(Somehow I forgot to post this on the actual night)

There were a couple Baby Yoda Christmas themed napkins, so I thought we ought to represent other holidays. 

Babies Groot and Yoda Celebrate 2020

Happy New Year:

One last Baby Yoda, with his predecessor, Baby Groot.

Not my best effort, but look at those cool glasses! It’s a good year for New Year’s eyewear.

Here’s to better drawing in 2020.

Homemade Wrapping Paper 2019

Homemade Wrapping Paper:

Does it redeem mediocre gifts?

Perhaps not this year, but I remain optimistic about the future.

This year I drew the kids wrestling with their heads replaced by animals. 

Why? You may ask. 

Because last year I drew zombie Santa, sharks, and animals wearing reindeer menorah hats....so those topics were already done.

I usually try to not leave too much time to make wrapping paper because then I fuss over it too much, which does not improve it, and is perhaps inappropriate for something that is meant to be crumpled and removed.

But this year I did not have time to make enough and things were unwrapped...and the paper I did make was not exactly up to the already very low wrapping paper standards....

But.....there’s always next year, right?

Santa Yoda

Merry Christmas 2019

I promised Baby Yoda wearing a ugly Hanukkah sweater this week, but Christmas was today, and we still have a few more days of Hanukkah to work with.

Baby Yoda Thanksgiving Parade Ballon

Baby Yoda Crushes it as Thanksgiving Balloon:

(There wasn’t one in the parade as far as I know...but certainly it is only a matter of time before the internet demands representation.)

To be completely honest, we did not even watch the broadcast of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade on TV. Our kids have always been rather uninterested in this New York tradition. 

However, it was really, really windy this morning, so I did spend a good bit of time reading online about the various giant character balloon accidents that have happened over the many decades of the parade’s history.  While there was only one incident serious enough to put someone into a coma- the Cat In The Hat was the offender- there have been many more mishaps that resulted in damage to streetlights, lost bystander teeth, damaged character dignity, and general panic and distress. 

The parade proceeded today despite the winds, but I heard that they held the balloons very close to the ground, practically on top of their armies of handlers. 

Certainly Baby Yoda would never hurt the rope holders or specatators, would he?

Late and very hurried napkin, (had to spend much of the day making the whole kitchen sticky with sweet potatoes) but Happy Thanksgiving  nonetheless!

And, last but certainly not least, our younger son deserves the concept credit- I was just going to draw baby Yoda riding a wild turkey....much less appropriate!

Happy Red, White and Blue Day

Happy Red, White and Blue Day!

July 4th would have been a good day to see “Spider-man: Far From Home”

But we had already seen it on the third.

I felt like there needed to be a Spidey popsicle to go with the Bomb Pop.  My younger son helpfully points out that Spider-man, in all of his iterations, never has blue around his eyes like the popsicle. But I did not design the popsicle, just copied it off google images. 

As to why Uncle Sam is giving Peter that weird look...I leave that to your imagination. 

As to why I am seem unable to draw fingers today...can’t explain that either.

Following images are Fourth of July napkins from days past, 2017-2014. I left out the bomb pops, since we just revisited those. Don’t know if any sharks or dinosaurs competed in the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest this year...or if the fireworks will be launched from a Kaiju tonite...but here’s hoping.

Happy Fourth of July!

Mother’s Day

It’s been a challenging day here, I just finished yelling at one kid, and am now torturing another by making him belatedly write a paper due tomorrow. 

There’s not been enough time for me to draw anything...or to feel like an even marginally competent parent.

So, in honor of Mother’s Day: here is a throwback napkin from 5 years ago....from back when seeing them asleep was just such a relief.

I was always annoyed as helpful strangers would approach me when the kids were tiny and offer me the unsolicited advice that I really should enjoy them while they were young because things were going to become more difficult later and I was going to miss the simplicity of dealing with small children and babies.

This sort of comment was usually offered, say, when I was poorly managing the temper tantrum of a hysterical four year old on a crowded rush hour subway platform while wearing a screaming infant with a full diaper strapped to my chest. 

Ah, memories.

It’s doubtful that my parenting has improved much in the intervening years, but our sons have matured despite my failings. 

And I don’t wish that they were still tiny....

(....and totally unwilling to sleep.)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Easter Egg and Boy Chicks

For Easter:

Eggs, Boy-Chicks, Memes,

...& Chick Culling

(You might want to stop reading right now)

As previously mentioned, we’ve been working on a series on internet memes, their importance to our sons, & of course, my basic ignorance. 

Easter seemed like the day to tackle the “World Record Egg,” aka the most liked post ever on Instagram (over 53 million now), & most liked post on any social platform (according to Wikipedia).

And I would have missed it all at the time (January 2019 and onward)  if it weren’t for my sons diligently keeping me up to date.

Apparently the egg’s popularity was not born of pop cultural happenstance, but was initially engineered by select individuals as a challenge to the popularity of Ms Jenner’s picture featuring her daughter. (A mere 18 million likes!)

There were various thoughts and opinions about the egg phenomenon. Was it a triumph of community over celebrity?...populism over consumerism?

Though I don’t think he really had an opinion about any of the above topics, our younger son was definitely an enthusiastic 

egg fan at the time.

Who does not like an egg, after all? Particularly in an iconic, @shutterstock style image?

But let us think further about eggs today on Easter. 

They are pretty ubiquitous. Yes, there’s debate about their nutritional benefits. I had, however, come to the tenuous conclusion that feeding my sons “Pastured, Organic-fed” eggs was better than say Fruit Loops or bagels. Those damn expensive eggs were laid by happy hens, who frolicked on grass, eating delicious bugs, after all....

But like all things diet-, parenting-, environmental-, internet-related: 

Beware.

Even the production of virtuous eggs does not require more than a small handful of male chicks. 

Google “chick culling,” I dare you. Or don’t, & leave with the tidbit that live “maceration” is the destination for male chicks in the U.S.

I am the caretaker of two young male creatures ....for whom I prepare scrambled eggs...

Guiltily.

Happy Easter!

Presidents Day 2019

Holiday Wrapping

I am always pleased to have an excuse to do some low stakes drawings.

(Thus, really, the whole napkin enterprise.)

I’ve been recently reminded that wrapping paper is another chance to make some quick drawings that don’t have to be good. After all, it’s all going to be cut up and taped together.

The cat and dog are the very important pets of the kids’ aunt and uncle. 

The zombie Santa and miscellaneous dogs, shark, goldfish, and menorah were for the kids.

And mediocre gifts are always bettered by handmade wrapping paper...right?

Perhaps I might consider cutting up all my drawings and taping them on boxes. (Or around socks and t-shirts as they were here) 

It couldn’t hurt. 

But not the napkins of course.

Happy Holidays!

(If you have one, hope your tree looks better than ours!)

Santa Jaws

Just leave some chum under the tree.

Yes, there was a 2017 SyFy channel movie with the title “Santa Jaws” 

It was part of “Sharknado Week.”

I have not had the pleasure of viewing it, but the synopsis says that the main human character is a teenage boy who wishes that he didn’t have to spend the holidays with his annoying family. He draws a wish fulfillment comic titled “Santa Jaws” with a magic pen which somehow manifests a real shark determined to kill his family members on Christmas. He and his older brother try to prevent the shark from eating the family... because even if you do fantasize about eradicating your relations...you probably don’t really want them to end up in the stomach of a shark wearing a Santa hat on its dorsal fin.  

In summary, this napkin does not resemble the movie. 

But perhaps, any holiday season, it is always good to be reminded that, no matter how strained the relationship, almost no one actually wants their family to be eaten by a CGI shark. ....even one driving a sleigh.....or Rudolph the Red Nosed Shark

Homemade Wrapping Paper

Homemade Wrapping Paper:

Not quite half-assed....maybe almost a quarter?

When the gifts are not inspiring, one can always make an effort on the paper...(or just give up and draw on a napkin.)

In the olden days, when my sons were runny nosed small children, if I hauled out a giant sheet of paper and some paint, they would enthusiastically pitch in.  Now that they are adolescents who know how to blow their own noses, no such luck. 

So this was all me, sad to say. But let’s just imagine how good it could have been if others had been involved.  

I am going to cut it up into pieces and wrap small uninspiring items it it, so perhaps that will be an improvement?

Fourth of July Snack

We were going to see the latest Jurassic World movie today to celebrate our independence from weekday routine. But one kid was not feeling well enough to consider consuming a large soft drink and a tub of popcorn, so we are festering at home instead.

Alas, no bomb pops were consumed either.

Easter Bunny Kaiju and Gypsy Avenger

Perhaps I was too busy prepping Easter eggs for the Sunday morning hunt to make the lapine Kaiju and giant robot on this napkin look....well...giant.

Or, maybe my subconscious just knew that they were action figure toys and not towering monsters.

After seeing “Pacific Rim Uprising” and “Ready Player One” in one week, I’m not sure I can handle spectating on (or even imagining) any more giant CGI robot/monster battles during the next few days.