Captain Planet for Earth Day 2021

Clumsy Cheadle Portrait Meets Combustible Crucifer

When our younger son suggested I draw Captain Planet today, he was thinking of the original animated show “Captain Planet and the Planeteers” from back in the 90’s.  It was considerably after my time, and well before his.

I gather both of our kids were aware of Captain Planet because of its memeification... (is that a word yet?) and because one notorious episode concerning drug addiction features an overdose, so the internet is interested in that sort of thing. 

But despite the amazing list of celebrities voicing the villains, (Ed Asner, Jeff Goldblum, Meg Ryan,  Martin Sheen, Sting, Malcolm McDowell, etc, etc) I can’t remember ever having seen the show. 

But I do remember the Don Cheadle parody where the Captain goes insane and turns everyone into trees: “Remember to recycle or I’ll turn you into a f*cking tree!”  He is quite on the wavelength of Ultron and Thanos, destroying humanity for its own good. 

I think there was also a bit where he turned a guy into broccoli for failing to recycle a bottle. 

We had a long history with my passive aggressive representations of broccoli on my kids’ lunch napkins, so a flaming floret seemed appropriate for today. 

Venompool with Broccoli

Venom and Deadpool continue to be compelling are our house. Gross, immoral anti-heroes (preferably with an R rated movie) are so much more attractive to our kids than the good guys. 

And a combination of the two is particularly winsome. 

Our younger son and I debated whether he should have saliva dripping off his excessively long tongue. Most images of Venompool feature multiple strands of drool.  Nonetheless, we decided the saliva drapery was not an essential component. 

Or maybe I was just concerned that I was not going to be able to render the fluid in a convincing fashion.

But I am certain that Venompool would be salivating in anticipation of eating some broccoli in his school lunch.

Titan Lunch

Balanced Lunch for Titans:

A well fed American child with a side of broccoli.

Our younger son would very much like to go to the Universal Studios park in Osaka and feed himself to a Titan.

Sadly, there is no "Attack on Titan" area in the Universal Park here in the US.

Baby Groot and Rocket from GotG Vol 2

‪Too adorable to kill:‬ ‪

But trash pandas might not like broccoli. 

Groot offers some greens to Rocket Raccoon for lunch. ‬ ‪

Yes, of course my kids liked the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie‬.

Hank from Finding Dory Brings Broccoli for Lunch.

In a moment of Holiday Weekend Desperation, we went to see "Finding Dory."

One child was adamantly opposed to seeing the movie for mostly irrational reasons.  The other child, usually philosophically opposed to the viewing of movies in theaters in general (and against leaving the Xbox for any reason) was strongly in favor, mostly because he knew that his brother really didn't want to go.

We did not manage to depart for the local theater until about the time the movie was purportedly supposed to begin, therefore embarking on a 12 minute walk full of recrimination and complaint. Remarkably enough, we made it in time to see the movie start even after large tubs of popcorn and high fructose corn syrup beverages had been purchased. We did miss the previews and the Pixar short. I was sorry about that.

Everyone agreed that the movie was pretty good, and that Hank the octopus was a high point.

Sadly, there was no actual broccoli in this particular lunch. There were strawberries, but I did not think a berry would look as nice with Hank's skin tone.

As I'm sure have already mentioned several times before, our kids are secretly enthusiastic broccoli eaters, but they prefer not to reveal this shameful fact in the public arena of a school or camp lunch.

I am in the process of giving up on packing them lunch items that I think they should eat in the mostly vain hope that they might eat them...even though I am pretty sure that they won't eat them. As one son is thirteen now and his nine year old brother seems to be an honorary adolescent just by association, pretty much whatever I am pushing is a lost cause just because I am pushing it.

At this point, I have begun to fear that too much broccoli in the lunch will drive them to a lifetime of nothing but cheesecake and salt and vinegar potato chips just to spite me.

Hulkbuster Armor with Broccoli

Don't Be Afraid of Green Things:
(But, I should have drawn the broccoli smaller.)

Iron Man's Hulkbuster suit might have been the most compelling thing in the recent Avengers movie as far as my sons were concerned. 

Endless debates of "Who would win the fight if..." are always good, and the Hulk vs. Iron Man scene in Ultron provides fodder for such a discussion.  The Hulk was presented as the most unstoppable of the Avengers in the first movie.  But in the second movie, it seems that when wearing more armor on top of armor, Iron Man might be able to tap the green guy out. 

I like the idea of layered suits of armor, like an endless series of Russian stacking dolls.

But no amount of armor excuses you from eating your green vegetables.

Bonemaster Skull with Broccoli

Even the evil need nutritious food.

The Bonemaster is the main bad guy in Sage Blackwood's "Jinx" series.  While he seems a fairly reserved and even courteous fellow, we discover that he comes by his name honestly.  He stockpiles the bones of his victims and later proves to be capable of animating the remains in true Ray Harryhausen fashion...And he has done something magic involving his own skeleton.....

But the Bonemaster appears to be the sort of organized fellow who would eat a healthy diet.

My sons are not terribly interested in the concept of healthy eating, but they do eat a lot of broccoli....(maybe just because they like it???)

This is a family secret that I should probably not share on the internet. My sons will resent me for spoiling their coolness and outing them as broccoli eaters, but I don't think this is the sort of revelation that will stand in the way of their future college admissions or employment.

(It has been a while since the last napkin featuring broccoli. You can see the previous broccoli napkins at this link.  There have been quite a few... although not nearly as many as the napkins with strawberries.)

Silas and Miss Lupescu from "The Graveyard Book" Offer Lunch

The graphic novel version of Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book," adapted by P. Craig Russell, was obviously appealing for my macabre minded sons.

They were, however,  immediately annoyed that I had not procured Book 2 yet.  (It will be released in a few days)

The story centers on Nobody Owens, a toddler whose entire family has been murdered and is then protected and raised by the inhabitants of an old graveyard. Since ghosts aren't ably to shop for groceries, he has the additional guardians Silas the vampire, and Miss Lupescu, a werewolf. 

Ansel really like the characters- and the idea of being raised by a vampire- but was not impressed with my drawing.

Rocket Raccoon Feeds Chewbacca

Another "Guardians of the Galaxy" and "Star Wars" mashup.

If Groot is the Chewbacca of "Guardians," does that make Rocket the Han Solo?
I based this image on the scene in the recent movie where Rocket perches on Groot's shoulders while blasting away with a gigantic gun.

Blasting enemies with a huge weapon is not so appropriate for Quaker second grade lunch, so here Rocket is offering the Wookie some healthy lunch food.

Since my children are too cool to admit that they often willingly eat broccoli, there is a bit of a sadistic quality to the situation here.

Guardians of the Galaxy's Groot Offers Broccoli For Lunch

Groot  the bipedal tree offers some of the sweetest moments of the Guardians movie.  (Some might even describe these moments as insipid, but we are going to go with sweet)  Groot is a perfect all purpose sidekick: he doesn't monopolize the dialogue, is full of hidden talents and is good hearted and selfless.  He 's  Chewbacca and R2D2 rolled into one very vaguely Vin Dieselish package.

Midway through the movie, he offers a young girl a flower that he has grown on his palm.  I thought if he can grow flowers and emit sparkly motes of light, why not healthy lunch foods?

While they are fans of Groot, my sons were not so impressed by this concept.  Like all self-respecting cool children, they prefer to pretend that they hate broccoli,.

Demo Man from Team Fortress 2

I haven't drawn an age inappropriate, violent video game character holding a piece of wholesome lunch food in place of a weapon in a while.

Archer tolerated my substitution of flaming broccoli for Demo Man's giant gun with relatively good humor this morning.  The guy still has explosives attached to his vest, after all.

Thunderbird Talons with Giant Food and Horses (For Scale)

A giant griffin-like creature makes an appearance in "The Sixth Gun" Volume One, snatching horses off the ground and conveniently dispatching bad guys.

This scenario was of course a bit violent for lunch, so I substituted some broccoli and strawberries, but added riderless horses for scale.

Winter Soldier with Broccoli

Our sons pronounced the Captain America sequel as better than the Avengers movie because, "there were more explosions and more guns."  And three Helicarriers instead of merely one.

They were impressed with the Winter Soldier character and particularly appreciated his hair, as clearly HIS mother does not insist on cutting it when it obscures his vision.

Rayburn and Timmy from "Monster on the Hill"

Rayburn the monster and Timmy the plucky urchin from Rob Harrell's book "Monster on the Hill":

At some point in the story, the kid gets accidentally turned into a "shmushroom." Broccoli probably wouldn't help, but the remedy offered in the book: "psychofruit juice" was not available in Ansel's lunch today.

Ansel really  liked this book about a depressed monster with self esteem problems.  He was quite annoyed when his older brother, who gets to stay up a bit later than he does, was able to finish the story before him.

I did read the ending to him early the next morning.

Crusha and Fangbone From "The Birthday Party of Dread"

Michael Rex's "Fangbone! Third Grade Barbarian" series is a big hit with the kids, particularly Ansel.  He is very disappointed  that there are only three books.

Crusha is sent to our world to destroy Fangbone and retrieve the big toe of Drool, but I imagined a more friendly lunchtime interaction between the two characters...although Crusha looks understandably suspicious of that large piece of broccoli.

This one is for the coming school year.

Archer The Gorgonite From Small Soldiers

We stumbled across "Small Soldiers" on television over the weekend.  I vaguely recall seeing it when it was released in 1998. 

Despite not having a small boy in my life at the time, I imagine that I went to see it because I had been sculpting doll and action figure parts for the toy industry and was also using them in my own work.  At the time, I found the movie, to be, shall we say, lacking in gender sensitivity and political correctness.  (It does have a rather remarkable voice cast for the toys, including many of the actors from "The Dirty Dozen" and "This is Spinal Tap.")

Of course, the stereotyped bad behavior of macho action figures is exactly what appealed to my sons.  At least they did immediately side with the oppressed Gorgonites over the sadistic human commandos. 

And the Gorgonite leader is named Archer, so that is really all one needs to know to explain Ansel's interest in the character.

Ansel was very unhappy with my first picture of him with Archer the Gorgonite.  I humored him and came up with one of Archer alone holding lunch items.

Mai From Avatar: the Last Airbender Throws Food

I wondered why Ansel requested Mai, Prince Zuko's love interest from the series, as he rarely asks for solo female characters. 

I've seen very little of the show myself as Ansel has watched most of the Avatar episodes on the iPod while riding to therapy in the cargo bike.

When I did a little research on her last night, I discovered she is known for throwing knives, and I suddenly understood his interest.

Today she is throwing more peaceful lunch items.

Invincible and Tech Jacket

 

We are still working our way through the back issues of "Invincible"- slogging through the Viltrimite war while I consider the effects of graphic cartoon violence on lower school minds.  It's still easier to breeze by the sex, but the entrails are harder to miss. 

One of the highlights of these issues is the appearance of Tech Jacket, one of Ansel's favorites. 

Here, he and Mark offer broccoli and an apple for a manly lunch.

Missile Mouse and Robot 44

The adventures of Missile Mouse by Jake Parker are always popular bedtime reading.  Ansel was particularly taken with Robot 44 in the second book, "Rescue on Tankium3," last night.  I tried to pacify the weapons with food, but the result looks like Missile Mouse might be handling radioactive broccoli.

NOVA Soldier for Archer

Archer shifted from Brothers in Arms to another Gameloft game with fancy graphics yesterday:  N.O.V.A. 2 (Near Orbit Vanguard Alliance for those who want all the details).  I switched from strawberries to broccoli.