Sweet Dreams Bears

 

(A post from October 1st)

Inktober 2020, Day #1:

Inktober presents an opportunity for bad drawing on a deadline once again...and not even on a napkin!

I’ve tried to keep up with the one ink drawing a night mandate of inktober for the last 4 years, much to the distaste of everyone in my immediate environment, and any remaining followers here. I’ve managed to limp through most of the month in years past, but I have to admit, given the competing demands on my time right now, the prospects are pretty grim this year.

But sadly, I haven’t given up yet.

Sometimes I just need to make some crappy drawings with the excuse of an artificial deadline. 

In previous years I have exploited my kids and made drawings about my weird health and sleep fixations. I hatched several plans over the last few weeks, but finally decided today that it should be more in the original spirit of the napkins- though, yes, this is a watercolor.

So I am drawing from the memes and videos that our sons are always trying to get me to watch.

This one is an older video, still on YouTube at close to 3 million views...though the 10 hour version has a mere 1.8 million views. The bears flop around endless to the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams.” It’s oddly compelling even to those resistant to the charms of idiotic videos.

I haven’t done it justice at all. 

Teddy Roosevelt Pets

Jonathan Edwards the bear with the unnamed one legged rooster:

Theodore Roosevelt had the most pets of any American President, including this bear and fowl. 

There were other pet bears, and other poultry, in the Roosevelt household (as well as a badger, a lizard, and many other creatures) But these two seemed to stand out for me.

But I never pass up an excuse to draw poultry.

Penguins and Polar Bear

Non Denominational Winter Holiday Image...that no one at my house wanted to use as a holiday card:

I was trying to come up with a Happy Holidays image that wasn’t too Christmasy. 

Unbelievably, tomorrow is the younger kid’s last day of school before the winter break, so I felt like I had to take a stab at the holiday card idea. No one was impressed....even though, coincidentally that younger kid is reading “Mr. Popper’s Penguins” for Language Arts class.

And yes, I know that penguins and polar bears reside on opposite sides of the planet.

But maybe they get together when they have time off from work over winter break?

Bear with Incorrect Horn

(Follow-up to Bear with Incorrect Wings on July 2nd)

My younger son was still working on his winged bear gargoyle sculpture at summer camp last week.

Apparently he told some of his fellow campers that he was going to put a unicorn horn on it, and one of them informed him that unicorns and unicorn parts were too girly. Just like the color pink. My son was happy to tell me how ridiculous he thought all this was...about the unicorns. 

But he does have some concerns about the color pink. 

Not too reveal too much, but in toddlerhood, both of my male children had a serious affection for pink objects...and particularly pink shoes. There might have been some plastic, heeled, open-toe dress up shoes in circulation at our house. And there might have been some pink Mary Jane style shoes that may even have been worn to preschool until the class bully nastily expressed his opinion about the the girliness of the shoes and their wearer. Maybe this happened. I cannot confirm the details.

Maintaining the appropriate level of manliness in preschool and lower school can be a strain on a boy. 

Sometimes they need access to unicorn horns and pink stuff too.

Bear with Incorrect Wings

Our younger son is working on a "gargoyle sculpture" at summer camp this week. His plan was to make a bear with wings. After I drew this napkin, he informed me that it is a bear with "devil wings!" 

Of course it is. 

What was I thinking?

Nerf with Polar Bear

We have a birthday party coming up and it seems that spendy plastic devices that shoot foam darts are going to be the theme.

We once had a plastic bin in the living room that I labeled "weapons" to corral the Nerf collection. Now every container is full things with names like  "Elite Retaliator," "Rapidstrike," "Hailfire" or "Mega Rotofury." Ok, we don't have that last one, but I thought the name was especially nice. There really aren't other toys that require a bin.

Truly the proliferation and variation in the Nerf arsenal strikes admiration in a capitalist mind. There is always some new amazing variation that must be purchased! Actually, more like 14 variations. I imagine a warehouse full of busy designers cooking up new configurations.

Most birthday parties at our house evolve- or devolve, depending on your perspective- into an all out melee involving every foam weapon in the house. This particular party is distinctive only in that we are preparing for Nerf activities in advance. I have purchased a weapon that holds an astounding 144 darts at a time in preparation for a game of Nerf Marco Polo.

The mind boggles.

There was some sort of Pixel Gun related request for a picture of the soon to be birthday boy riding a polar bear.

Unfortunately, there will be no polar bears at the birthday party.

Huggable Hugs the Bear from "Total Drama Island"

Some Total Bear-on-Bear Action:

Our younger son has been watching the TV show "Total Drama Island" and its various iterations.  The Total Drama franchise is an animated parody of "Survivor" where a group of superficial fame seekers are tortured by a smarmy host while they struggle to not be voted off of the island.

I have to admit that my feelings about an 8 year old watching the show are mostly not positive.  It is a show about conniving adults and the nasty things they do to one another regarding sex, money and other body functions. The show's Wikipedia entry, however, notes that it was a very popular when it was first released, and that, "Many of the fans viewed the show as one of the best cartoons of its time."

Total Drama has a reoccuring bear character.  Our kids often exclaim over his cuteness, which perplexes me.

My son was very pleased with this napkin because I made it look just like the cartoony bear on the show....None of that nasty creative license that I sometimes indulge in on these napkins.

Gummable with Chainsaws from Battle Bears Gold

Malicious Ursine Gelatin:

Battle Bears is our older son's latest gaming fixation. The game's website describes itself as "A funny and addictive class-based online multiplayer action shooter."

Of course, the appeal for our sons is the combination of cute and deadly present in murderousArcher gummy bears.

And, they are really looking forward to getting the rainbow chainsaws.

Cafeteria Animals

Who gets to be the fox?:
The cool guys hang out in the cafeteria before school.

Our younger son was using a photo app yesterday to put Panda face "stickers" on photos.  I gather there are several of these apps like Animal Face by Easy Tiger with various animals to choose from.

Before he went to bed last night, he had told me, "No more animal napkins, Mom! No more Pugs, and definitely no more Unicorns." But he did not have any requests for today's napkin, and sometimes, like my sons, I find negative direction hard to follow.

There are three classes within each grade at our kids' school, and this year all of my son's friends were assigned to one class without him.  He only gets to see them for the 15 or 20 minutes after we drop off his older brother and before the beginning of his school day.  This time is spent hanging out in the cafeteria and the surrounding hallways, getting away with as much rowdy and slightly nefarious behavior as possible.  On the somewhat rare occasions when the boys are sitting at a table together rather than running around or lurking in the bathroom, I try, often unsuccessfully, to get away with taking pictures of them.

Last night I used some of these snapshots as the basis for the animal head replacements in today's napkin.  I gave careful consideration to which animal head went with which boy... yes, these are the important thoughts that I am thinking late at night when I should be sleeping... My son's favorite animal is the Red Panda, so that was an obvious choice. The Fox went to a friend who is partial to wearing blingy metallic necklaces and gold high-tops. After the advent of Marvel's Rocket character,  a Raccoon face seemed like a safe bet for another friend.  And, well, someone had to be a Panda, so that went to a boy who had recently annoyed my son by spying on him in the bathroom.

I was pretty sure that this napkin would irritate my son, particularly after the "no more animals" injuction last night. I showed him a picture of it on my phone this morning so that he would be forewarned before he uncorked it at lunch. While he told me that he did not like the way I had drawn his hand, ("I don't ever hold my hand like that!") he was surprisingly pleased with the picture and proudly showed it to the other three boys. The usually photo-adverse kids even tried to recreate the picture at the cafeteria table.

There was, predictably, some griping about my animal choices. The Panda was not so pleased, and Raccoon boy told me that I had better draw him as a Fox next time.

Our very tolerant sitter got the Panda treatment

Paddington and Clumsy Ninja

Big headed characters that are popular this week at our house:

Yes, the Paddington movie was released on DVD and iTunes a couple of days ago.  I had been wondering why the hat wearing bear was on my sons' minds, but now I know it must have been put there by  advertising.

Clumsy Ninja continues to be a popular game.  The kids report that they are at levels 17 and 20 respectively...this is out of a potential 99 levels. I can see we have a lot more Clumsy Ninja to look forward to.

Doctor Who and Paddington with Sonic Screwdriver

Time Traveler with Talking Bear Engaged in Self Penetrative Act with Multifunctional Tool:

We had a bit of a resurgence of interest in Doctor Who over the weekend.  When I asked if all the discussions about The Doctor meant that there should be related napkin this week, my younger son replied immediately that I should draw him with Paddington Bear putting the Sonic Screwdriver in his ear.

Perhaps this was a case of unfinished business. There had been a similar request back when the Paddington movie came out, and I had refrained from drawing the bear with the device actually inserted:

select the image to see the previous post

Looking at it now, I don't think it is any more disturbing to see the Sonic Screwdriver in Paddington's ear than it was to see the earwax.... on the napkin, or in the movie.

But on further reflection, I am not certain if my son actually wanted me to draw Paddington putting the Screwdriver in Mr. Capaldi's ear....

Dovahbear from Skyrim

What could be more compelling than video games that you are too young to play?:
Games that you are too young to play that also have bears wearing horned helmets.

My older son turned twelve this morning, and has now renewed the argument that he is old enough for M rated games like Assassin's Creed and Skyrim. After all, we let him play some 12 plus games when he was a mere 10 or 11. He is wisely not extending this argument to Grand Theft Auto at the moment...although he has on other occasions.

As far as I know, there is no lap dancing in Skyrim. But there are Dovahbears, and they are pretty enticing as far as both kids are concerned.

Wicket and Paddington with Storm Trooper Helmet

An Ewok and a Bear share a moment.
Maybe they are considering eating something other than marmalade?

I thought that Wicket and Paddington had so much in common, how could I not put them together on a napkin?  They are both short, furry persons who wear stuff on their heads and live in forests.

And Ewoks and Bears are sometimes predatory. If the details of "Return of the Jedi" are not fresh in your mind, my sons would be happy to remind you that the Ewoks initially try to roast Luke and Han alive for dinner. At the conclusion of the movie, the Ewoks are playing Storm Trooper helmets and armor like a xylophone, and the suggestion is that the former occupants of the armor have met a rather unfortunate, (but perhaps not unsavory) end.

Of course Paddington and his much larger Aunt Lucy and Uncle Pastuzo seem to prefer to eat marmalade.  Spectacled Bears, the real life bears who live in Peru, actually eat very little meat. (I looked this up on Wikipedia, can you believe it?) But they do eat some flesh when it is available.

Stormtrooper might be an acquired taste.

Bear Hug with Teddy Bear

"You sleep with a little stuffed version of yourself?"
Or: Cute and funny meets realistic, and realistic does not prevail.

Our younger son desperately wants a pet.  Our older son, however,  is pretty clear that if he were confronted with the choice between playing a video game or dealing with a real animal, the video game would win every time.

Nevertheless, they are in agreement in their appreciation of animal cuteness.  They spent the weekend repeatedly calling up the insipid Youtube video of "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom" (by Parry Gripp of "Nerf Herder." Glutton for punishment, are you? Here is a link to the video)  The video features clips of mostly small and furry animals eating, accompanied by an incessant, and incessantly annoying, soundtrack of Nom Nom Nom Noms.

I considered drawing a baby animal gnawing something for today's napkin, but decided that minus the soundtrack, the image would not achieve the appropriate level of precious hilarity.

But, let's be honest, the real problem is the way I draw.

In place of one of the Nom Noms, I drew a bear like Wink, a character from the kids' preferred comic of the moment, Rob Harrell's "Big Top. I thought the fact that Wink sleeps with a stuffed version of himself (available at the circus concession, of course) would provide a cute animal opportunity.

The kids were unimpressed this morning. Archer helpfully pointed out that my version was too realistic. Ansel took a napkin from the backup pile.

Biker Bear from "Big Top" Comic

Rob Harrell writes a daily strip called "Big Top" about Pete, a ten year old boy growing up in a circus populated by talking animals who appear to be acting in loco parentis as well as being his pals and roommates.  His primary companion is Wink the unicycle riding, tutu-clad circus bear.  Early on in the series, Wink reveals to Pete, that he has a colorful past involving smoking, leather and a motorcycle. For obvious reasons, I had to omit the cigarette.

Before starting the drawing last night, I somewhat tentatively Googled "Biker Bear," thinking that I wasn't going to see many images of four legged creatures. The results are heavily devoted to teddy bears wearing pleather and bandanas, so cute bears on motorcycles does seem to upstage other uses of the term.

This is the second motorcycle that I have tried to draw in the last week or so. Definitely too complicated, I should avoid them in the future.

Paddington Earns Doctor Who's Disapproval

Alternate use for the Sonic Screwdriver?

Of course we had to go see the Paddington movie over the weekend. I'll admit I took some pleasure in pointing out to my sons that Peter Capaldi (aka the 12th actor to portray Doctor Who) was there in the story as a buffoonish, meddling neighbor. I was trapped too close to the screen in the third row, watching Nicole Kidman in a ridiculous white nurse bondage outfit try to stuff a talking bear...so I had to get my kicks where I could.  

The information that this guy was also the Doctor led to a lot of excited exclaiming from our sons, which was no doubt not appreciated by the mass of toddlers and their beleaguered parents seated around us.

Walking home from the theater, we discussed Peter Capaldi's acting range: ridiculous fuddy-duddy or powerful immortal time traveler? Archer opined, "You see, playing Doctor Who was a good career move for him. Now he can get parts in other movies!"

Yes, I am sure Mr. Capaldi is very grateful that the role of Doctor Who enabled him to get a part in the Paddington movie....

We also discussed how the bear and the Doctor should be paired in an image. Archer and Ansel thought he should be shown sticking the Sonic Screwdriver into his ear...the earwax extraction scene being both the highpoint and the most memorable moment of the movie. I feared that would suggest a possibly unfortunate, brain splattering, end for the bear. I decided the depict the aftermath instead.

Given his fairly distinctive face, I didn't think Mr. Capaldi would be particularly challenging to draw.  But, as you can see, I had a bit of trouble with his likeness. Perhaps I sensed his desire not to be associated with ursine earwax.

Stitch and Paddington Bear

Insipidly cute, yet quite destructive:
Movie "pets" my son would really like to have live at our house.

I am ashamed to say that  despite my constant children's literature promoting enthusiasm, I somehow managed to neglect "A Bear Called Paddington" and all of its over 150 subsequently published sequels and spin-offs.

Despite not having read any of the books, Ansel is quite enthusiastic about the impending release of the Paddington Bear movie. The trailer seems to foreground the bear's capacity for inadvertent yet humorous mayhem.

After watching "Lilo and Stitch," we've spent the last few weeks discussing how nice it would be to have a pet like Stitch. I guess this means one that is vaguely dog-like, cute, funny...and a sentient alien that can talk.

I suspect after "Paddington" opens later this month, we will be debating the merits of pet bears.

Freddy Fazzbear and the Country Bear Jamboree

The godfathers of creepy animatronics back the present king of automatonophobia:

Our older son has been thinking a lot about the indie horror game "Five Nights at Freddy's" in which children's theme restaurant animatronics turn murderous. (Note that I did not write "playing," but instead, "thinking a lot about.") The player of the game is an overnight security guard terrorized by the pizza restaurant's automated animal characters who are trying to sneak up and kill him.

Perhaps there is something knocking around in the zeitgeist about scary animatronics. There was also a recent "Gravity Falls" episode ("Soos and the Real Girl") that included a frightening animatronic band in the colorfully named "Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree."

From my own 1970's Chicago childhood, I remember with some queasiness "Showbiz Pizza" which had a very creepy animatronic band called "The Rock-afire Explosion." I had assumed that Showbiz, and its later incarnations/spinoffs Chuck E. Cheese, were the source material for both "Five Nights at Freddy's" and "Hoo-Ha Owl's." 

A recent trip to the Magic Kingdom (yes, we ventured into one of the lower circles of hell during winter break) reminded me that the real point of origin was probably Disney's "The Country Bear Jamboree." A "knee-slapping," "old fashioned hoe-down" with potentially racist and South-bashing overtones, the "Jamboree" has been at Disney World more or less since 1971. It was supposedly the last attraction specifically designed by Walt Disney himself before his death in 1966.

Since I have a personal interest in animatronics, (I'm working on a sculpture) I remorselessly forced the kids to visit the bear show while we were in Frontierland. Archer, fan of "Five Nights at Freddy's" that he is, was neither pleased, nor impressed.  Despite the mobs of holiday tourists outside, the show was quite lightly attended so it was a break from the overwhelming crowds everywhere else.

But you really don't need to sit too close to large automatronic bears who are singing charming songs like "Mama, Don't Whip Little Buford," or "If Ya Can't Bite, Don't Growl."

Paddington Bear with Star Wars: The Force Awakens Light Saber

Movie trailers we are excited about: the delights of earwax and novel weapons

My younger son reminded me yesterday that he really wanted to see the movie about the bear and the toilet.  I am shamefully sleep deprived most of the time, so sometimes important things do go missing from my memory.  It took me several minutes to dredge up anything regarding a bear and toilet.  But yes, I did finally recall that we had seen the trailer for "Paddington" and that the bear did in fact put his head in a toilet.  He also put toothbrushes in his ears, tasted the resultant earwax, drank mouthwash, flooded a house, and most endearingly, rode an escalator holding a small dog.

How could we not pay money to see more of that?

Likewise, there is no way that we will  possibly be excused from seeing the next "Star Wars" installment. The new lightsaber was of course the highlight of that recently released  trailer as far as our sons were concerned. It is amazing how much excitement a couple of implausible horizontal protrusions can generate. (Here's a link if you are my mom or might have somehow managed to avoid seeing it already) 

Bearbarian

Sometimes, I can take a simplified cartoony character from one of Archer's favorite video games and draw it in a more realistic way and achieve a vaguely amusing result.

Sometimes, the result is awkward and disturbingly weird...and not in an interesting way.

This is Archer's avatar of the moment on the browser game Bearbarians, available on the likes of miniclip.com and addictinggames.com.  

Unsurprisingly, Archer was not impressed this morning.  And I left the weapon out of the picture:

So...double fail for that.

The source material: