Napkin Portraits

Yearly Napkin Portrait Dysfunction:

The Cover Your Nose and Mouth Edition.

Every year I rediscover the information that napkins do not photograph well when put next to actual people. And that my kids are unwilling to cooperate for even the two minutes it might take to line up the image. And this time I did not ask them to embarrass themselves on a subway platform.

But it’s the dysfunction that makes it interesting....right?

If the photo actually lined up the way I planned, what would be the fun in that?

Selfie Day Napkin

Happy National Selfie Day:

There hadn’t been a napkin selfie for a while. 

Today I felt like maybe my eyebrows were the most relevant part of my real face.

Following is the napkin solo, photographed in more flattering light. today

(Somehow forgot that lumpy napkins don’t look good when lit from above... perhaps the same is true for me)

You can see the previous selfies at: 
https://ninaslevy.blogspot.com/search/label/Selfie?m=1

Inari Fox Selfie

Things are cuter and more furry on the internet:

We had some conversation about whether the “Inari fox” pictures you see passed around online are “real”... i.e. pictures of real animals. 

As you might imagine, no, they are not real animals, but they are real objects made by @santaniel_toys.

But if they were real, you would definitely bring one to summer camp and take a selfie with it.

Portrait with Absent Sons

School is coming up soon, and we are spending some quality time together as a family.
So that the kids will appreciate going back to school.

They are rarely impressed by my parenting lately.

Myself neither.

But probably for not exactly the same reasons.


PS: I am still working on this one.  It's really hard to compose a photo of yourself with the non selfie  side of the phone.  My sons each came in to look at me a few times while I was trying to take this shot, wondering what could possibly be taking me so long when there was food that I could have been serving them.
It is still not the composition that I had in mind, but coincidentally, my phone is no longer functioning as a camera...or as a phone for that matter... so I am done for the moment.

Napkin Portraits

We are still working on the napkin portrait thing.
I have to embrace a certain amount of failure on these, since I can't see very well to compose the shot and my collaborator is definitely not a perfectionist.


And sometimes, just plain absent:

Subway Portrait Napkins

Public Degradation with Absorbent Paper Products:

(Perhaps not one of our more successful "napkins in the real world" photo sessions.)

I thought this year's napkin portraits should be staged in the subway since our rides back and forth to summer camp were a notable feature of the summer...for me anyway. I biked the boys back and forth to school for five years, so we did not see much of the trains on a daily basis then. And for the last two years, they have been at separate schools, and a three person train ride was relatively rare. Next year, perhaps they will be going to camp without me having to chaperone so consistently. 

So, I thought commemoration was in order.

Or, it is possible that I was just being a sadist.

The kids are always not up for having their picture taken with napkins (or without napkins, to be honest). And this time, I added the adolescent-mortifying twist of doing it in public with a selfie stick. My older son described our seven minutes on the subway platform as "just about the worst thing ever." He added, "Mom, this is why I resist leaving the house, because then stuff like this happens." 

Indeed. Leave your seat on the couch, and the next thing you know, your sadistic (and masochistic) mother might be forcing you to do dumb stuff on a subway platform. Well.... there was no actual forcing. I did bribe them with a somewhat indulgent lunch, so I don't think they suffered all that much. But I'm sure the psychological scars are deeper than I can imagine.

Nobody on the platform gave us a second look. It is New York. We have all seen so much worse in the subway.

Goofy Self Portrait Napkin

Every summer I try to do a set of portraits of the kids and maybe myself. I am not always successful. Last summer, we never managed to get a good picture of the napkins. Even when there is bribery involved, the kids usually have about 90 seconds of patience for me and my dippy napkins, and that is not always enough to orchestrate the real world shot.

This year my plan involves a selfie stick and the G train platform. The kids are fairly horrified by the prospect, and I anticipate an even lower than previous level of cooperation. 

I've almost finished the napkins, but now have the much more challenging prospect of luring the kids back to the G platform.

My napkin face looks a bit startled here in a test shot, perhaps by the goofiness of the idea...or maybe just the goofiness of my hat.

(Go to "Napkins in the Real World" to see previous attempts)

Family of Pinheads

Family of pinheads:

Still need to work on this one a bit.

It's been a very difficult summer.

Can you tell?

Portrait Test Shot

Napkin Selfie?

I usually try to do napkin portraits of myself and the kids sometime near the end of the summer.

This set isn't going so well so far. I find my facial expression on this one somewhat troubling.

I asked my younger son to help me line things up and take a snapshot of the thing in progress.

It did not occur to him that my napkin face should be anywhere near the center of the frame.

Upon further reflection, and given my demeanor on the drawing, I think his sense of composition was perfect.

Guardians of the Galaxy's Star Lord with Death Gun from Sword Art Online

Guys wearing masks with glowing red eyes take selfies.
(Is it any coincidence that our younger son likes both Death Gun and Star Lord?)

During our intense Star Lord phase, which reached its peak around Halloween 2014, we were able to purchase an inexpensive costume, complete with a fairly adequate mask.

At present, our son is asserting his deep need for a Death Gun costume. And sadly, Death Gun costumes for children are not so easily purchased online. I usually do what I can to avoid making complicated sci-fi masks for my sons, but I may not be able to entirely dodge this one. At least Death Gun's mask is less complicated than Star Lord's.

Alien and Predator Holiday Selfie

If it bleeds, we can celebrate Christmas with it.

Christmas is a pretty secular holiday at our house. When I was a child, I thought I could be both Jewish and Christian at the same time. But the reality is that despite the lighting of Hanukkah candles and the trimming of Christmas trees, we are not playing for either team.

But we can embrace the general spirit of generosity and togetherness in the season... particularly when it comes to the characters from violent movie and video game franchises.  The Santa/Rudolph theme is popular with the kids even if they don't have the same irrational affection for the old stop motion Rudolph TV show that I do.

I am afraid that they have more affection for the Alien vs Predator franchise in fact.

Cast of Characters Who Could be in "Goosebumps" Movie

...take one of those abominable group selfies...

My younger son and I finally saw the "Goosebumps" movie over last weekend. His brother was going to a fun birthday party, so he was feeling terribly under-served and required some compensation. As far as I was concerned the movie was pleasant, but not particularly memorable.  My son thought it was great and immediately wanted me to pledge to take him to the sequel, whenever it might be made and released.

While we own several "Goosebumps" books, and I have tried to convince my horror-loving children to read them on many occasions, the series has just not been very popular in the past at our house.  I must confess that I was unaware what a publishing juggernaut the series has been...350 million copies have sold worldwide, and it is the second most popular children's series of all time, according to Wikipedia.

The movie's specific and rather dopey plot aside, "Goosebumps" the movie's charm is that it is a compendium of funny horror characters and therefore transcends the possible failings of each tale of scary zombies, creepy clowns, malicious lawn gnomes, deadly werewolves, etc., etc.

Being an 8 year old, my son was willing to attribute the original creation of many of these sorts of characters to R.L. Stine and the Goosebumps franchise. I reminded him that certainly the idea of werewolves, zombies, the abominable snowmen and ventriloquist dummies among many others predate Scholastic Publishing, some by tens if not hundreds of years.

And, on a more personal note, several of these characters appeared in my recent sculpture show "Popular Monsters," so perhaps I am particularly not willing to cede all credit to Mr. Stine.

Today's napkin is a reunion of sorts of characters who could appear in a best selling children's book series, in a major motion picture, or in my small, unsaleable sculptures.

Rocket Raccoon and Future Rigby Take a Selfie

Happiness is a cool raccoon with a warm gun. Or two.

The kids were very pleased with the recent Regular Show Movie.
Rigby, the raccoon character, has apparently become more cool in the future.  He is outfitted with an impressive weapon, stylish jacket and decorative facial hair.

He looked a bit like Rocket from the Guardians of the Galaxy... (Rocket Raccoon, the guy who says, "There ain't no thing like me, except me.") ....So it seemed like a team up was in order. I drew the guys without their weapons...and since they are both so overwhelmingly cool- and so aware of their own coolness- it seemed appropriate that they should be taking a picture of themselves.

My more realistic version of Rigby was not very successful. I was trying to put him in the same representational universe as Rocket, but couldn't quite pull it off.

Rigby as he appears in the movie, with Benson, the walking gumball machine:

Bigfoot Poses on the Brooklyn Bridge

Sasquatch Selfie:

We seemed to be doing a series of cryptids on the bridge... But my son has asked me to stop the Brooklyn Bridge stuff, so sadly, I don't think there will be any Chupacabras or Loch Ness Monsters posed with New York landmarks.

I had thought the Sasquatch might be a safe bet as the last two library books my son brought home were both literally titled "Bigfoot." But after my son looked at this particular image, he told me solemnly that napkins like this were making him look weird in class. I think maybe we will focus on some video game characters or main stream superheroes in the near future.

Guardians of the Galaxy Selfie

I had to put Rocket in the front as  I've lately had much more practice drawing raccoons than people, (green skinned or otherwise) and I think it shows.

Ansel had requested that I include all members of the Guardians on this one, which really exceeded my powers of plausible character arrangement. Apparently Ansel wanted to ask a classmate whether she liked the movie or not, and wanted a visual aid to help prompt the conversation. This was a slightly unusual request as he is most often only interested in the Rocket or Star Lord characters.

When I asked Ansel what was so cool about Star Lord, he told me that he really liked the way that Star Lord's long coat flapped when he jumped. I certainly like that quality in a role model for my 7 year old son more than I like his unrealistic physique or his way with women.

I don't have to ask what he likes about the raccoon.

Selfie with Uncooperative Kids

 

....Or, if my sons were to title it: More Documentation of Child Abuse in Brooklyn.

Archer and Ansel were most unhappy to be roped into participating in my profile picture update. And I did not even have the good grace to offer a new toy or more screen time as an enticement for cooperation.

But at my advanced age and chronically sleep deprived state, really the best thing I can do to improve a photo of myself is to put a cute child or two in it, preferably in front of me.

I couldn't quite manage to get them in front here. Orchestrating this picture was harder than usual, as I couldn't see what was going on, and the kids were too busy expressing their disapproval to tell me whether the phone was pointed in the right general direction or not.

Perhaps it was just as well that I couldn't see myself.  I certainly photograph better in marker than in person. Fortuitously, it's pretty much impossible to capture on a napkin the things that happen to one's neck after age 45.