Perfectly Cut Diet Dog

 

The First Thing You Lose On A Diet Is Your Sense of Humor

(even if you are a tiny, fluffy dog)

Inktober 2020 Day 29

In this video, a Pomeranian watches a human hand deliver a pitiful two bits of kibble to its bowl, looks down at the food, looks back up, arranges its cute features just a little into a scowl, and makes to lunge at the bearer of bad meal tidings.

Perhaps he or she was irritated at obviously being set up for a meme.

Always Has Been

 

Wait, It’s All Doge?

Inktober 2020, Day 25

I can’t say this image came directly to me from our sons, rather the two precursors did. 

One son showed me a descendant of the “Wait, It’s All Ohio?” meme template. In the original....(if there is an actual point of origin) Two astronauts look at the earth. One says, “Wait, it’s all...?” The other one prepares to shoot him, replying, “Always has been.” Ohio can be replaced by other countries, a hat, chicken tenders, or...Doge.

The Doge meme proliferation was so, well profuse, that I was aware of it years back.  If it needs explaining, I will only note the high points: pictures of a particular Shibu Inu dog, pidgin English statements in neon comic sans font, and a dysfunctional internet currency, Dogecoin, which is now, more or less worthless.

But suddenly, Doge memes are back.  Our son showed me one recently which perplexingly involved horniness and several other things that I could not possibly retain, or unpack here if I could.

Maybe it’s not all entirely Doge, but it seems like it could be at any moment.

Internet Famous Canines

Vicarious Social Media Fame 

(relative & brief)

We noticed that a napkin featuring blogger Lance Stewart & Lizzie Wurst’s puppy Theo (from our internet famous dog series) posted on 210official’s instagram received a mere 52,000 more likes our posts usually receive. 

Thanks @210official!

We did have some previous experience with this sort of vicarious social media liking.

A previous Instagram famous dog napkin featuring Logan Paul and his dog Kong was posted on Twitter by Cody Carlile and got at least 1300 more likes than our posting. Sadly, Mr. Carlile blocked our account after we commended him on his popularity and his amazing ability to make a drawing on a “tissue” that strongly resembled our napkin. (I can only assume that it is even more difficult to draw on tissues than on napkins.) 

I was sorry that he blocked us as I had wanted to take a screenshot of the well liked napkin- we are lucky to accrue 5 or 6 likes for our most popular posts on Twitter. I was also enjoying Mr. Carlile’s very modest and sincere responses to the many people on Twitter who commented how amazing his drawing skills were. 

My younger son was quite aggrieved that our napkin had been pirated...and then officially praised by Logan Paul himself. (This was back before Mr. Paul had disgraced himself by behaving inappropriately on YouTube...well, more inappropriately than usual.)

My son wanted to somehow rectify the situation and penalize this Cody Carlile individual for his plagiarism. But I observed that Mr. Carlile appeared to be a non adult person, so it seemed particularly inappropriate for me to pursue him for a bad online choice. 

And, it is always amusing to know that the napkins could be more popular...if only they were not posted by me.

Puppy Diss Track Vlog

Who's the Dawg Now?

The canines convene. Could they be making a diss track?

(Another in our vlogger/internet famous dog series)

While I see it as my job to try to expose my kids to aspects of culture that they might miss or not appreciate otherwise, the exposure usually flows in the other direction and I end up trying to understand things that, well, I find challenging. 

Let me be entirely honest: I am a woman who was born in the late 1960's. (I am ancient in online years) I attended a couple of institutions of higher learning that had very selective admissions processes. I might have considered myself to be at least an aspiring intellectual at some point.

So, this YouTube vlogging thing... I have to admit that I don't really have the resources to understand some of it. 

Like the online gaming obsession, I try not to just completely dismiss the whole endeavor. The vloggers that my kids watch, seem, well... perhaps less mature and more materialistic than would be ideal....

Ok, yes, I understand that this is entertainment, not role modeling....with trips to the mall, "Prank your Bros," and "Look at my expensive car!" moments sprinkled throughout.

As to the squabbling, gossiping and dissing that goes on within the community of vloggers... Let's just say, that I don't have anything constructive to add here. 

In preparation for making this drawing, I watched several "diss tracks" where one vlogger raps about how his former friend, brother, or significant other, is now uncool, unsexy, stupid, and just not as wonderful as his own sportscar owning self. Ok. Well, they are not clubbing baby seals or selling unnecessary pharmaceuticals to children, so why should I bother to disapprove?

But they have dogs! 

Some of these folks have dogs who have millions of followers on Instagram. And who among us can disapprove of a cute dog with 2.6 million followers?

But maybe the dogs themselves might disapprove. Who knows?

I had some fantasies about how fun it would be to draw puppies posing in pseudo-rapper diss poses, posturing in front of their Rolls or Lamborghinis. But as usually, I was too busy just trying to accurately render the dogs in question: Kong, Apollo, and London. (Companions to Logan Paul, Jake Paul, Faze Banks and Alissa Violet if you are not among the following) 

And here are all the relevant Instagram handles if you need to know more: @ourdoglondon @kongdasavage @apollothek9 @banks @alissaviolet

@jakepaul @loganpaul

Kong and Logan Paul

‪Dog eat Dawg? ‬

‪Continuing our YouTuber/internet famous dog series. My son watches vlogger Logan Paul and his new puppy Kong (named for his size of course)‬

Kong (@kongdasavage) only has 712,000 followers on Instagram. He has a bit of work ahead of him to catch up to fellow Pomeranian JiffPom (@jiffpom) who has 5.1 million.

Kirby Fox at the Skate Park

Old Dog with Tricks:

Tanner Fox is known as a social media personality and "professional stunt scooter rider" 

His 13 year old golden retriever, Kirby is not necessarily known for his scooter prowess (although he does have 410,000 followers on Instagram)
...but we can imagine what goes on behind the scenes.

This is another napkin in our series of internet famous dogs for my dog deprived son.

Who should be next?

Theo the Puppy

Dog with a Vlog:

Lance Stewart's new puppy Theo already has 285,000 followers on Instagram. 

Perhaps Theo should have his own YouTube channel to let his viewers know HOW HE'LL PRANK THOSE HUMANS.

(We're working on a series of internet famous dogs on napkins for my seriously dog-deprived son.)

In hindsight, I think I was trying to tune out the fact that our sons were watching a good deal of "vlogs" by social media personalities like Lance Stewart. 

You don't know who Lance Stewart is? 

(I am looking at you, Grandma. Mostly because you are the only person who I can safely assume will be reading this)

Mr. Stewart is a social media personality who has accrued almost 3 million followers on YouTube with engaging content like "LIQUID ASS PRANK GONE TERRIBLY WRONG" and "MY GIRLFRIEND SHOWS HER NIPPLES ON CAMERA?!" He is by all accounts a millionaire at age 20. 

The two vlog titles I have selected perhaps convey the wrong impression. Lance and his crew may be prurient, juvenile, and regressive on gender politics, but they are not terribly offensive. They shop at the mall, hang out at the gym, eat in restaurants and prank one another and their annoyed, but mostly compliant family members. And most importantly, they have a puppy.

From my curmudgeonly, geriatric perspective- as a person who grew up in the days when television and movies were scripted and performed by highly compensated professionals- this stuff is deeply, profoundly, and mind bogglingly, boring.

But Lance certainly does not care what I think. Nor do his millions of followers who can count both of my sons among their enthusiastic ranks.  

Guppy Puppy and Lion Cub

Unattainable Pets:

Two pets that my pet-deprived son would really like to have live at our house:

Guppy the pug of YouTube and instagram fame and/or a lion.
Equally impossible wishes for me to fulfill, but at least I drew them on a napkin.