Santa Jaws

Just leave some chum under the tree.

Yes, there was a 2017 SyFy channel movie with the title “Santa Jaws” 

It was part of “Sharknado Week.”

I have not had the pleasure of viewing it, but the synopsis says that the main human character is a teenage boy who wishes that he didn’t have to spend the holidays with his annoying family. He draws a wish fulfillment comic titled “Santa Jaws” with a magic pen which somehow manifests a real shark determined to kill his family members on Christmas. He and his older brother try to prevent the shark from eating the family... because even if you do fantasize about eradicating your relations...you probably don’t really want them to end up in the stomach of a shark wearing a Santa hat on its dorsal fin.  

In summary, this napkin does not resemble the movie. 

But perhaps, any holiday season, it is always good to be reminded that, no matter how strained the relationship, almost no one actually wants their family to be eaten by a CGI shark. ....even one driving a sleigh.....or Rudolph the Red Nosed Shark

Shark Headwear for Shark Week 2018

Chomp on Junior:

I hear it’s Shark Week. The folks at Fortnite companionably released a skin called “Chomp Senior” for some synergistic shark marketing. 

(The price and apparent desirability of Fortnite skins continues to boggle my mind...but I am a person who draws pictures on napkins for zero monetary compensation, so what do I know?)

Chomp Senior is a cool guy in a form-fitting shark-inspired outfit complete with a shark headpiece where his face is framed by the open shark mouth.

Sort of like this napkin, except I somehow forgot the important part which is that the cool guy is supposed to be wearing cool opaque black sunglasses.

Shark vs. Knight

Left Shark vs Daedric Knight:

The kids have been playing Garry’s Mod. They are mostly interested in repeatedly blowing one another up with ridiculous weapons.

I thought their avatars could be interesting to draw in unweaponized acrobatic combat.

I might be alone in that interest.

...and while the Left Shark was not all that challenging, the Skyrim armor was clearly a bit more complicated than I needed. 

Snarky Adolescents

“I desire the company of a man who could sympathize with me, whose eyes would reply to mine.” 

Inktober 2017 / Hideous Progeny Drawing 31

This one was based on a moment of brotherly togetherness while waiting to see the dentist last weekend.

If only those all teeth were brushed more conscientiously... Now that it is November 14th, I wish I could say that this last drawing is the end of Inktober, but yet I am still finishing the watercolor portions of a few previous images. 

I would like to remind anyone who might possibly take an interest, that I did make it to day 25 and the theft of my phone before everything fell apart completely. 

I never ever missed a night with the napkins, but now that I don’t stay up so late, things move so very much more slowly. 

And strangely, as my sons mature into adolescence, they are not becoming less time consuming...or less toothsome.

Pomeranians Celebrate the End of Shark Week 2017

My younger son thinks that a Pomeranian would be the best breed of dog for us to have...if we were able to have a dog. 

He has very defined opinions on what sort of haircut this hypothetical dog should have. 

He has not offered an opinion on what sort of shark costume would be preferable, so I am offering a few options here.

Sharks in Rainbow Six Siege

For Shark Week 2017

My older son has been playing a lot of "Tom Clancy's Rainbow Siege" with friends from school.

The game's website explains that "Siege is a brand-new style of gameplay embracing the reality of counter-terrorist operatives across the world: intense and asymmetrical close-quarters combat between attackers and defenders."

Sounds compelling, but maybe what it really needs is playable sharks.

Shark Week Pizza Party

(But don't hang around to find out who doesn't get a second slice)

There was pizza in the lunch boxes. That's my excuse.

Proposed Sidekicks for Doctor Who in Season 10

Just some suggestions...

Yes, I know that they have already announced who the co stars will be for Peter Capaldi's last season. We even saw the Christmas special.

This napkin post is rather delayed, I am afraid. We had the conversation about who should replace the dear departed Clara quite a while ago. The kids both thought that a new sidekick should be someone other than another young attractive Caucasian woman, but could not agree on what sort of person should be next. I have assembled a cast of their favorites as potential companions.

Doctor Who is not really on our sons' minds right now, but as the tenth season is coming up soon, I thought perhaps it was time to post this one.

My younger son was happy to point out some of the many drawing failings on this one. Deadpool is too small,  the pug in the foreground is awkwardly posed. And, he would like to add that pugs aren't necessarily his favorite dogs right this now.

This napkin is definitely more about quantity rather than quality. Back when I was drawing two napkins a night, I used to have a rule about no more than two characters at a time. It made a lot of sense.

Independence Day Hot Dog Contest

Nathan's Coney Island hot dog eating contest: 

A NYC July 4th tradition.

It's still #SharkWeek for us.....& always #DinosaurWeek

Shark Week Fireworks

Happy Fourth of July:

It may not still be #sharkweek2016 technically, but I guess it's kind of always Shark Week around here.

Sharks vs Puppies for Shark Week

Sharks vs. Puppies: Who Will Prevail?

(Moving beyond the Discovery Channel's "Sharks vs. Dolphins")

Our kids are very impressed with Shark Week. Of course they are always impressed with television programming that is broadcast after their bedtime.

Crark from "Reed Gunther"

Beefcake with claws and tentacles:

Our kids really enjoyed Chris and Shane Houghton's comic series "Reed Gunther" about a bear-riding cowboy in an old west world populated by monsters like the tentacled Shark/Crab. Reed and friends encounter this last giant monster at the end of the first volume in front of the half finished installation of the Statue of Liberty. After a narrow escape by our heroes, the Crark ends up in the freshly poured cement foundation, presumably vanquished.... Although in a later panel, it appears to be waving its claws even after the Statue of Liberty's head has been dropped on top of it, so perhaps a future appearance in a sequel is a possibility.

Chris Houghton's drawings of the Crark in the comic are much more monstery and much less silly-beefcakey.  Somehow my default mode when drawing superheroes and monsters for my sons is always something with defined abdominal muscles.  Maybe this is because my younger son often specifies that there should be a "six-pack." Or maybe this says something unfortunate about me... In this case, I didn't do a very good job with those external obliques anyway, so perhaps a less hunky physique would have been better.

And, to make an uncomfortable admission, I debated about whether there should be nipples of some sort on this thing. "Nipple" does seem to be one of my sons' most favorite words lately. As in, one brother punches the other and then the punchee shrieks loudly, "Ow! My NIPPLE!" (This is to make everyone who does not have two small sons feel much better about their lot in life.)

I thought seriously about putting a strategically located starfish on each pectoral, but decided dealing with the fallout from my sons just wasn't worth it.

Land Shark Vs. Space Pig

How to make a big mess over a long weekend:

One of the many joys of having two kids in two schools is that their time off does not always line up.  The younger one was at home today, both are off on Monday, and the older one is home on Tuesday.
Foolishly, I thought this would be a good time to start a project we've been talking about- making some cardboard and plaster sculptures of the characters for that web comic which we still haven't written yet. I thought maybe I could work with each child alone, as joint time in my studio tends to devolve into a play-fighting brawl. Each kid picked his favorite- Space Pig for the younger and the Land Shark for the older.

I tried to put the two characters together in a nondescript space on this napkin without much success.  My younger son told me that I had made the pig look scary and weird. The older son pointed out that I neglected to include the flaming chainsaws that the shark requires.

We did manage a little work on the sculpture today... It quickly became clear that my son was mostly interested in weapon design...and maybe this weapon he's building will be so cool that he cannot bear to see it plastered onto a pig sculpture and will have to keep it for himself... 

In the bottom picture, you can see that I made very little progress on Space Pig.  We spent a lot of time debating which way his joints should bend- whether they should be porcine-accurate or humanoid.

Minions Ride Shark

We're going to need a bigger shark:

Did you know that it is Shark Week?
While we had recently been discussing the possibility of watching "Jaws" in honor of it's 40th anniversary, we missed the important news that it is Shark Week until yesterday.

Since it also seems to be "Minions" week in advance of its opening on Friday, I thought a team-up was in order.  I addressed the napkin to both boys since it wasn't a  request, and I was not sure if either would be willing to take it for lunch.

While delighted by Sharks and Minions in general, the kids were not convinced by my Shark/Minions week napkin logic. They both took a back-up napkin to camp today instead.

Valentines Shark

Love Bites.
Have a Jawsome Valentines Day.
You're Fin-tastic Valentine.
I Would Bite at the Chance to be Your Valentine.
You're My Chum, Valentine.

Shall I stop now?

The kids in second grade are decorating bags today during class for the collection of their valentines tomorrow. So, clearly there will be no avoidance of the Valentines topic despite the fact that the actual day falls fortuitously on the weekend.

What is the right look for a valentine for 8 year old boy? My previous forays into this topic have not been terribly successful. But I thought I could not go too far wrong with a shark.

Ansel was not impressed with my pathetic attempt at a satiny fabric draped on the floor. "Mom, what is the shark laying on?" he asked this morning. I could only reply, "On some bad drawing."

You can see the last year's forays into bad Valentinery here.

Shark with Birthday Cake

I am not sure why our younger son decided that he wanted to watch "Sharknado" again on Saturday morning, but as it was his "birthday weekend" I was more or less willing to indulge him. I was trying to work on frosting his cake, so I was not paying close attention, but I can offer the opinion that the movie does not benefit from repeated viewing. 

His class studied ocean animals during the fall of second grade, so perhaps he was exposed to a more, shall we say, "nuanced" view of sharks. But I think it is safe to say, that the recent education did not get in the way of his appreciation of shark slaughter and general scenery chewing.

It seems like it is still his birthday today, as there is the school acknowledgement, complete with a "birthday snack" of cupcakes frosted with green frosting (applied by his sleep deprived mother at 1am on Sunday morning)... so a birthday themed napkin seemed appropriate.

There was a lot of Nerf weaponry involved in the birthday party and a target themed cake was requested.  Drawing concentric circles in frosting without a compass or turntable was surprisingly challenging. It definitely would have been easier to draw a frosting shark.

Ocean Animals Express Gratitude

An unlikely assortment of sea creatures crammed on one napkin:

It is challenging to come up with holiday gifts for teachers, tutors and therapists.

I am always extremely grateful to those people who are not even biologically related to my kids, but are consistently more supportive and tolerant than I manage to be on a good day.

When an opportunity comes up to be officially grateful to these generous, and most often colossally underpaid people, I always feel like there is not a good solution. At school, there is an official group class gift, and we are not supposed to individually give the teachers anything of momentary value.

One of Ansel's classroom teachers won't be coming back after winter break. While I was packing up the holiday card and gift trinket last night at 8 pm, Ansel told me what he really wanted to give to Elizabeth was a napkin featuring all of the ocean animals that the class had studied.

When I showed him the napkin this morning, he said, "Wow, you got all of them on there, good job!"

Can't say much more than that. 

But, yes, I did manage to get all of them on there.  

Trick or Treating Sharks

What kind of candy do you give to a trick or treating shark?

We've had a slow recovery after Ansel's tonsillectomy on Wednesday, complete with regularly applied narcotics (we came home with a disturbingly large bottle of cherry flavored Oxycodone) and excessive viewing of the Disney Channel.

After sitting through  a few episodes of "Dog with a Blog" and "Girl Meets World," while dispensing maternal sympathy and back rubs, I was pretty enthusiastic about watching "Sharknado 2."  And I was pretty certain that watching Syfy pseudo dreck would be less developmentally harmful to my seven year old son than another episode of "Jessie."

After "Sharknado," I seriously considered drawing a flaming shark on a napkin, but decided it was better to get started on Halloween as it is already almost  mid October. I have been shirking so far this season, we had many more Halloween themed napkins last year.

Maybe a flaming shark for Hannuka?

Land Shark

Inspired by "Sharknado," "Axe Cop," "Chicken Little," SNL and a trip to Costco:

Archer and Ansel have talking a lot recently about a web comic that they would like to create...(to be specific: a web comic that they would like me to draw)  Axe Cop, a very successful series written by a 5 year old boy and drawn and facilitated by his comics professional older brother is of course a great inspiration.

We often discuss potential characters for this hypothetical comic and the Land Shark was yesterday's topic.  ("Sharknado" has a long tail, so to speak)  Archer was primarily responsible for the description, including rocket boosters, laser weapons  and a "chainsaw holster."  Fish Out of Water, our favorite character from "Chicken Little"  (originally one of our early favorite books by Helen Palmer) inspired the helmet.

I'll admit I was much more interested in the ridiculousness of the character than the kids were.  The Saturday Night Live Land Shark sketches from the late 70's were in my mind.  I recounted them to the kids, but they did not find my rendition as funny as I thought they should.  And I liked the idea of the alpha predator riding around on the sort of motorized scooter that enables the morbidly obese to navigate around Costco.  I am slightly sorry that I  did not try to render the distortion of a water filled helmet in a realistic way... because, you know, the overall image is so very  realistic.

And Archer pointed out that I had neglected to include the laser weapons.

Chainsaw Shark

A possible follow-up to Sharknado 2?

During some recent testing, Ansel (age 7) scored as having a "mental age" of 15 when it came to "Verbal Absurdities."  I cannot really comment on the accuracy of the testing in regard to real world concerns,  but I can observe that Ansel definitely appreciated the absurdity of "Sharknado." 

As I was traumatized by "Jaws" as a child, I was slightly concerned about whether the movie would freak him out, but I should not have worried. Not only was he clear on the fictional nature of the proceedings, he obviously enjoyed the ridiculousness of it all.

The kids agreed that the appropriate follow-up to the movie would be a shark with chainsaws in place of fins. 

This one is not particularly Quaker. I seriously doubt it will ever make it to a school lunch.