Santa Jaws

Just leave some chum under the tree.

Yes, there was a 2017 SyFy channel movie with the title “Santa Jaws” 

It was part of “Sharknado Week.”

I have not had the pleasure of viewing it, but the synopsis says that the main human character is a teenage boy who wishes that he didn’t have to spend the holidays with his annoying family. He draws a wish fulfillment comic titled “Santa Jaws” with a magic pen which somehow manifests a real shark determined to kill his family members on Christmas. He and his older brother try to prevent the shark from eating the family... because even if you do fantasize about eradicating your relations...you probably don’t really want them to end up in the stomach of a shark wearing a Santa hat on its dorsal fin.  

In summary, this napkin does not resemble the movie. 

But perhaps, any holiday season, it is always good to be reminded that, no matter how strained the relationship, almost no one actually wants their family to be eaten by a CGI shark. ....even one driving a sleigh.....or Rudolph the Red Nosed Shark

Krampusnacht with Terrors of Christmas Past

Krampusnacht With Terrors of Christmas Past:

I read that Krampusnacht is celebrated on the evening of December 5th in alpine towns in Central Europe. Krampus, long before the recent horror movie of that name, is Santa’s nasty doppelgänger, the semi satanic guy in charge of the bad children. 

While I have never seen a Krampusnacht (night)  or a Krampuslauf (run- a street parade with people in Krampus masks) the costumes and masks one finds picture of online are quite nice, and certainly far more interesting than boring old Saint Nick.

And who is behind those masks? I added in a couple of characters from the claymation holiday specials that disturbed my own childhood- “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” and “The Little Drummer Boy.” Because we all know that banal insipidity lurks behind true evil...or maybe just conspires with it?

(This was supposed to be a donation for a holiday benefit, but it went unframed yesterday and is therefore still at home with the rest of my failed donations)

Holiday Themed Weirdness and Failure

Every year when the need to donate something for the holiday benefit “Deck the Walls” for the New York Academy of Art rolls around, I am seized with temporary delusions of drawing capacity.  “Deck the Walls” features a whole lot of small inexpensive (maybe holiday themed?) works by the students faculty and alumni of the school.

The NYAA is a place where aspiring artists go to be taught by people who really know how to draw and how to teach drawing. 

There is instruction in painting and sculpture also of course, and I am a person who teaches sculpture. And I might even be a person who took up sculpture because my drawing wasn’t really all that good. Can’t remember that far back now.

But I like to continually pretend that I know how to draw, mostly hoping that continual pretending will lead eventually to actual capacity.  (Most often, I do an end run around this topic by drawing on absorbent paper products.)

Like all previous years, this time, I started out optimistically, with low expectations, just planning to knock out something silly and inexpensive...and then somewhere along the way I started to get self conscious about the silly concept and the less than stellar drawing. 

But here it is on social media. Maybe I will work up enough chutzpah to actually donate the drawing to t

This image is a les- interesting-than-hoped spin-off of an image of a kid’s Santa and Reindeer costume- one of those where the wearer’s legs go down into the reindeer portion and the Santa body is a weird floppy stuffed doll sitting on top.

I now realize it is disturbingly similar to a holiday donation from two years back- Zombie Santa with Rudolph the red nosed skeleton.  That one found no takers-  despite the novelty of it being a napkin in a frame. You can see it at the above link if the description was enticing...

Krampus and Claus

Merry Christmas from Krampus and Santa:

Once one has seen the Krampus costume options out there, it is hard to maintain interest in boring old Saint Nick.

Even if one has very deserving children who have been good all year....

Holiday Kids with Rudolph Menorah

We usually take a picture of the kids for a holiday card. This year, they were feeling uncooperative and I was feeling uninspired, so I drew this very Thomas Kinkade style mess instead.

Yes, there is nothing worse than a saccharine portrait of children drawn by their parent.

...except perhaps adding a reindeer with a bike light strapped to his nose to that portrait.

My apologies to those who celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas... and to Thomas Kinkade enthusiasts also.

Alien and Predator Holiday Selfie

If it bleeds, we can celebrate Christmas with it.

Christmas is a pretty secular holiday at our house. When I was a child, I thought I could be both Jewish and Christian at the same time. But the reality is that despite the lighting of Hanukkah candles and the trimming of Christmas trees, we are not playing for either team.

But we can embrace the general spirit of generosity and togetherness in the season... particularly when it comes to the characters from violent movie and video game franchises.  The Santa/Rudolph theme is popular with the kids even if they don't have the same irrational affection for the old stop motion Rudolph TV show that I do.

I am afraid that they have more affection for the Alien vs Predator franchise in fact.

Millie and Tigger Flanked by The Grinch and Rudolph

Millie the dog and Tigger the cat live with our pet deprived children's aunt and uncle.

This napkin was a misguided attempt at a holiday gift for said aunt and uncle.  I figured as long as I was nagging the kids to make holiday cards, I ought to set a good example.  

As you can see, bizarre creepiness ensued.  Of course last year I drew a fruitcake bearing sleigh being pulled by cockroaches for a Christmas present for my mother, so it is perhaps not a surprise that the result this year was also a bit off. (Link to roach/reindeer sleigh here)

Ansel looked at this today as I was finishing it and told me sympathetically that he thought that the Grinch's facial expression was a mistake.  I told him he was absolutely correct... (although there are several other things that also contribute to the image's weirdness...perhaps too many for me to further discuss here. )

Ansel had just finished having a tantrum because he felt he had messed up the drawings on his cards. And thus, I had a wonderful opportunity to model how to behave graciously in the face of drawing failure.

Ansel's much nicer version of Rudolph.

Mech Santa With Robo Rudolph

One last attempt at rendering the man in red and white and his red nosed steed in some Terminatoresque, cool for small small boys, guise.  (Surprisingly, my iPhone is not questioning my spelling of "Terminatoresque")

And of course, you can see the other attempts at holiday themed napkins from this year and last here

Minions Christmas: Santa and Rudolph

We wish you a Minions Christmas!

Somehow I have managed to resist buying the recently released DVD for "Despicable Me 2"
Given my sons' enthusiasm for the minions, I am afraid I will not be able to hold out indefinitely.

Rudolph, the Grinch, Max and the Abominable Snowman

Ghosts of Christmas Past:

The "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" television special from 1964 (broadcast every year since of course) and "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" (1966 version by Chuck Jones) were certainly staples of my childhood.

Not so much for my sons.   I think they would probably say that both shows are a bit boring.  Not enough weapons, too much plot.

Although I should add  that the most memorable parts of each for me were not the main characters.  My favorite part of The Grinch was always his comically put-upon dog-turned reindeer Max.  And I was somehow terrified by the "Abominable Snow Monster" (could it have been the roar?  it certainly wasn't the face).

I think my kids would probably agree that the supporting characters were the best part.

Sven From "Frozen" with Rudolph The Red Nosed

The issue of relative reindeer realism was clearly a problem for me on this one.

Sven, the "Labrador-like" reindeer (if Labradors could understand human speech and follow the plots of movies...) was popular with the boys.  And Rudolph is always appealing. 

But I should have known better than to tangle with the Rudolph nose realism question again.  Last year, all images of Rudolph that did not feature a light bulb style nose were resolutely rejected. (like this one)

To avoid nose-related rejection, I did not let Ansel see Sven and Rudolph this morning.  It is almost noon as I type this...he is probably complaining about it right now...

Rudolph the Reindeer with Teddy the Bear

My nose is so bright I gotta wear shades: Teddy and Rudolph herald the slippery slope from Hanukkah to Christmas:

Our younger son had some regularly scheduled, but rather unpleasant, blood work done recently and earned a trip to some sort of retail establishment that his mother would normally prefer to avoid.

 Build-A-Bear is of course already pushing Christmas hard, so we could not avoid acquiring a reindeer with a light-up nose....

And sunglasses.... Because what Rudolph does not need Ray Bans?

Rudolph and Santa with Sunglasess

Archer's first question this morning: "Who is the guy with Rudolph?" His second: "Why are they wearing sun glasses?" I think I can safely say that my Rudolph with light bulb nose was not a success....

Rudolph the Red Nosed

 

 The kids were immediately dissatisfied with my attempt at a more realistic Rudolph:

"Mom!  His nose is supposed to be like a flashlight!"