Napkin Not For A Lunchbox #20

One more from the 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting series based on a day from February of this year:

This one is for about 10 am, when, having successfully dropped both kids off at school, I waste precious work time running dopey errands on the way home. Stopping at some dismal chain store (we have them now in Williamsburg) to buy something necessary like shampoo, I end up spending far too much time contemplating idiotic purchases like kids' toothbrushes that play music.

P.S. The overpriced, polluting, and completely ridiculous toothbrushes were a huge hit (particularly the one that played the Queen song) and did seem to lessen the amount of nagging necessary to make toothbrushing happen. 

But I'm still ashamed of myself for buying them....those and the remote control tarantula that I bought at the same Duane Reade.

You can see the whole series so far at this link.

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox #19

From the 24 hour series: this image is for about 11 pm at our house. 

Often we have at least one holdout who is still obstinately awake until 10 pm, no matter what time he was put to bed.  Being shut in a dark room with a sleeping sibling for an hour or more is not sufficient  to induced sleep at a reasonable time.  

But by 11, both kids have been out long enough to have completely rearranged themselves on the bed, and are so deeply asleep that I can turn on the light (sometimes necessary to avoid major LEGO foot injuries) and come in to check on them/ appreciate the hilarious sleeping arrangement in which they have composed themselves.

This is another image from the 24 hour series that will probably make my kids unhappy- if not now, then at some future point in time.  I was careful not to reveal their underpants in this one, but that is not going to preserve their dignity as far as they are concerned.

You can see the whole series so far at this link.

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox #18

Another napkin in the 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting series:  This one is for 7:05 am, when I try and take as brief a shower as possible, and invariably, something goes awry in the following five minutes.

As the kids were not in camp this week, I've been trying to chip away at this series...I only started it back in February of course.

A new school year is bearing down on us, and I might be hoping that our schedule might be more reasonable this year and/or  that I will do a better job at managing it...

Or, I might be more realistic about my prospects.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link.)

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox #17

From the 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting series:

This is 8:40 pm, around the time that any reasonable child would already be sleeping, or at least in bed pretending to sleep.  Unfortunately we are just getting around to reading a book...a nice quiet, relaxing, restful book...like Axe Cop.  

As this napkin series was originally based on a day in February, I have to truthfully report that we were not reading "Bad Guy Earth" on that particular day... I think we might have been reading age inappropriate Batman titles.  But this is what we have been reading lately, and quite frankly, it had the cover that explained the bedtime reading as incitement to play violence scenario the best.

So...does the funny word balloon help to make up for my awkward drawing of my kids?

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkins Not For A Lunchbox #15 & #16

From the  24  hour series: 

These are two possibilities for 6:45pm- we might arrive home to find, much to the kids' delight, that Dad has prepared a healthy meal of something like mackerel, garbanzo beans and kale in a nice brown curry sauce....

Or not.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox #14

From the 24 hour series: this is 4:45-5:30 pm.

(I haven't had a chance to work on this series for quite a while, so just to explain what it was about...
I was trying to make a time based journal of our daily schedule on a typical day in February.  The series was loosely drawn from the idea of "Hourly Comics"... although it is taking me months to do the drawings for the one day.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

On a typical school day last year, we would bike into the city after school for my younger son's therapy appointment.  My older son and I would sit in the compact hallway outside the therapy room and bicker about whether he was going to do his homework or not.

Archer looked at the napkin today and said, "I never said you were a bad mom."  He did not, however, debate the general nature of the exchange.  Bear in mind that this is a child who would loudly threaten to call Child Protective Services in crowded subway cars when he was 4 or 5 years old if he thought I was not being cooperative.  This is one of the many reasons that I prefer to move my sons around in a bike.

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 13

From the 24 hour series: this is 8:50 am, the 4 1/2 mile  bike ride home after successfully leaving both children at school.  During the winter, I'm always a little colder on the way home without the 120 pounds of kids to push.

 (You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 12

This image from the 24 hour series is 3:30 pm:  our ride over the Manhattan Bridge for an after school therapy session.

With the exception of the very unpleasantly steep entrance ramp,  pushing 200 plus pounds of kids and bike to Manhattan over this bridge is not too physically painful. 

But it is a slow trip, and I do have plenty of time to quietly contemplate the Kubrick-like single point perspective.  The kids, however, are not much interested in the view, or in conversing with me.  Although  I do get the occasional obscure weapons related spelling question from Archer.


(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 11

From the 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting series: this is 6:15 pm, our commute home to Brooklyn over the Williamsburg Bridge.  Since I started this series on Hourly Comic Day on February 1st, it's completely dark at 6. 

For those who already disapprove of my use of the cargo bike to move my kids around NYC, you can add my children's use of electronic devices to the list of my parenting sins.  I used to insist on the reading of books (and still do on the inbound trip to school) but books do not work as well in the dark inside a sleeping bag.  And yes, I am aware of the existence of flashlights.

Archer would like me to issue the disclaimer that Ansel is the one who usually needs to pee in the middle of the bridge, not him. But the word balloon just didn't work on the right side.


 (You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 10

From the 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting series:  this is 7:15 am, just before we need to race out the door on our way to school, the kids are (not) hard at work, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, checking their backpacks...

They usually wait until I am exhibiting symptoms of total hysteria before getting motivated.  And, yes, they are watching TV, which, were I a competent parent, would be withheld as a reward until they are completely ready to go.  

But the offer of TV allows me to get the younger child out of bed and somewhat upright without a vicious wrestling match.  If he is watching TV, at least I do not have to try and excavate him after he has rolled himself in the quilt and is clinging to the bed frame... or search all the closets in the apartment.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 9

The Kindergarten went on a field trip to the zoo, and Ansel took a commercially printed Ben 10 napkin for lunch, saying that he did not want to throw out a hand drawn one.

Therefore I had a weeknight to return to the hourly comics series: This one is 7:00 am, when I sit on the floor in the corner behind the couch and take a shoddy camera phone image of the day's napkin(s) before it goes into the lunchbox.  I finally got an app for the iphone that does a reasonable job of setting the white balance, but it is still not ideal documentation.  The light situation is quite variable, and in the winter, pretty much limited to a halogen lamp (represented by the tangle of cords in the upper left corner).  And I am pretty much incapable of taking a non blurry image.

While I am doing this, the kids are generally on the other side of the room, laying on the couch in their underwear, resisting the idea of getting dressed and going to school as much as they can.  

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 8

From the 24 hour series; this is 3:40 pm, our commute by cargo bike in Manhattan.

Helpful pedestrians express concern for my children's welfare.

Bikes are certainly a controversial topic for some in NYC.  And then there are always people on the lookout for opportunities to spot and condemn what they perceive as bad parenting.  A woman pedaling her kids on a city street is like a double Yahtzee moment for the self righteous.  

In my own defense, the vast majority of our trip is in separate bike lanes, and on the rare occasions that we do ride with traffic, it is generally so congested and slow that no one could run us down if they wanted to.  

This does not stop strangers from expressing their disapproval at my parenting/transportation choices.  I've quizzed the few cargo biking men I have met about whether people shout obscenities at them as they pass.  I'm developing a theory that people harass me because they think they can get away with it as there is a slim chance that a mom with two kids is going to say apply her bicycle pump to a man's skull just because he yelled " You F#%&*ing C#+@*!" at her in front of her kids.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 7

Another non lunchbox napkin from the 24 hour series. 

This one is 7:40-8:15 am: our morning commute to school, when we have the opportunity for meaningful parent/child conversation.

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 6

Ansel took an older napkin today, so I went back to the hourly comic series.
This would be 7:40 am, about ten minutes after we should have left for school.  After I have finished stuffing them into the sleeping bags and blanket in the bike while complaining about how late we are, Archer is happy to offer me some advice.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 5

Finishing the week of 24 hour non lunchbox napkins: This one is 8pm: Post dinner wrestling and couch abuse.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 4

Spring break is still on, so I have continued the hourly comic premise.  This one is for 8:30 pm, otherwise known as bedtime.  

You can perhaps observe how sleepy and relaxed the kids are.   

They were not pleased about being depicted in their underpants, but since they were blurry they decided it was maybe ok.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 3

A particularly illustrative napkin about how the napkins get drawn, and another from the 24 hour series.

This one would be 12:30 am.

Once again I am wearing my stylish black hoodie.  My husband has clearly expressed his disapproval, but something about the 4 1/2 hours of sleep a night makes me cling to this unattractive outfit late at night.  

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox 2

Another napkin not meant for a lunchbox from the series of drawings about 24 hours of dysfunctional parenting.  This one is 2:30 am.

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )

Napkin Not For A Lunchbox

The kids are on spring break this week, so I am having a brief hiatus from Skylanders napkins (although not the Skylanders themselves of course).

This napkin is definitely not intended for a kid's lunch box and is part of a series based on the "hourly comics" premise: images describing a typical 24 hour cycle.

This one would be 1:30 am.  This is about when I sometimes have to admit that listening to old podcasts of "Stuff You Should Know" is not going to mask the sounds in our bedroom enough to allow me to stay asleep.  Some might describe these sounds as snoring, but opinions in our house diverge.  

And there is often some noise coming from the kids' room... something that sounds very much like, "Mom! Mom! Mom!'

(You can see the whole series so far at this link. )