Santa Yoda

Merry Christmas 2019

I promised Baby Yoda wearing a ugly Hanukkah sweater this week, but Christmas was today, and we still have a few more days of Hanukkah to work with.

Santa Jaws

Just leave some chum under the tree.

Yes, there was a 2017 SyFy channel movie with the title “Santa Jaws” 

It was part of “Sharknado Week.”

I have not had the pleasure of viewing it, but the synopsis says that the main human character is a teenage boy who wishes that he didn’t have to spend the holidays with his annoying family. He draws a wish fulfillment comic titled “Santa Jaws” with a magic pen which somehow manifests a real shark determined to kill his family members on Christmas. He and his older brother try to prevent the shark from eating the family... because even if you do fantasize about eradicating your relations...you probably don’t really want them to end up in the stomach of a shark wearing a Santa hat on its dorsal fin.  

In summary, this napkin does not resemble the movie. 

But perhaps, any holiday season, it is always good to be reminded that, no matter how strained the relationship, almost no one actually wants their family to be eaten by a CGI shark. ....even one driving a sleigh.....or Rudolph the Red Nosed Shark

Krampusnacht with Terrors of Christmas Past

Krampusnacht With Terrors of Christmas Past:

I read that Krampusnacht is celebrated on the evening of December 5th in alpine towns in Central Europe. Krampus, long before the recent horror movie of that name, is Santa’s nasty doppelgänger, the semi satanic guy in charge of the bad children. 

While I have never seen a Krampusnacht (night)  or a Krampuslauf (run- a street parade with people in Krampus masks) the costumes and masks one finds picture of online are quite nice, and certainly far more interesting than boring old Saint Nick.

And who is behind those masks? I added in a couple of characters from the claymation holiday specials that disturbed my own childhood- “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” and “The Little Drummer Boy.” Because we all know that banal insipidity lurks behind true evil...or maybe just conspires with it?

(This was supposed to be a donation for a holiday benefit, but it went unframed yesterday and is therefore still at home with the rest of my failed donations)

Holiday Themed Weirdness and Failure

Every year when the need to donate something for the holiday benefit “Deck the Walls” for the New York Academy of Art rolls around, I am seized with temporary delusions of drawing capacity.  “Deck the Walls” features a whole lot of small inexpensive (maybe holiday themed?) works by the students faculty and alumni of the school.

The NYAA is a place where aspiring artists go to be taught by people who really know how to draw and how to teach drawing. 

There is instruction in painting and sculpture also of course, and I am a person who teaches sculpture. And I might even be a person who took up sculpture because my drawing wasn’t really all that good. Can’t remember that far back now.

But I like to continually pretend that I know how to draw, mostly hoping that continual pretending will lead eventually to actual capacity.  (Most often, I do an end run around this topic by drawing on absorbent paper products.)

Like all previous years, this time, I started out optimistically, with low expectations, just planning to knock out something silly and inexpensive...and then somewhere along the way I started to get self conscious about the silly concept and the less than stellar drawing. 

But here it is on social media. Maybe I will work up enough chutzpah to actually donate the drawing to t

This image is a les- interesting-than-hoped spin-off of an image of a kid’s Santa and Reindeer costume- one of those where the wearer’s legs go down into the reindeer portion and the Santa body is a weird floppy stuffed doll sitting on top.

I now realize it is disturbingly similar to a holiday donation from two years back- Zombie Santa with Rudolph the red nosed skeleton.  That one found no takers-  despite the novelty of it being a napkin in a frame. You can see it at the above link if the description was enticing...

Krampus and Claus

Merry Christmas from Krampus and Santa:

Once one has seen the Krampus costume options out there, it is hard to maintain interest in boring old Saint Nick.

Even if one has very deserving children who have been good all year....

Cthulhu Christmas

Or Merry Cthulmas

Perhaps our alien overlord is dreaming of a white Christmas?

One can never disappoint around here with a Cthulhu drawing...except maybe if one drapes him with poorly drawn strings of popcorn.

Penguins and Polar Bear

Non Denominational Winter Holiday Image...that no one at my house wanted to use as a holiday card:

I was trying to come up with a Happy Holidays image that wasn’t too Christmasy. 

Unbelievably, tomorrow is the younger kid’s last day of school before the winter break, so I felt like I had to take a stab at the holiday card idea. No one was impressed....even though, coincidentally that younger kid is reading “Mr. Popper’s Penguins” for Language Arts class.

And yes, I know that penguins and polar bears reside on opposite sides of the planet.

But maybe they get together when they have time off from work over winter break?

Rudolph and Santa Take on the Snow Goons with Menorah Machine Guns

Holiday Team-up:

A belated Merry Christmas and a happy final day of #hanukkah2016! 

My kids are pleased to reap the benefits of both holidays. 

This one was a specific request, and, alas, is not drawn on a napkin. We were out of town and I was napkinless and markerless. I did have some watercolor paper and a little boxed paint set and was able to work on this rather muddy image.
I was asked to make Santa and Rudolph super buff (not my sons' term) and using menorah shaped machine guns. I added the Calvin and Hobbes style Snow Goons since it seemed like an enemy was in order.

My kids are of "mixed background" ie, as we like to say, some of us are Jewish by birth and some of us are "not." (Although those of us who are not might be able to say the entire Hanukkah blessing in Hebrew, while those of us who are might not...) At any rate, we celebrate any holiday which might involve the giving of gifts to children. Mercifully, the two holidays coincided this year.

Can you believe that no one else has used the hashtag #menorahmachinegun on Instagram ?!! Or even #machinegunmenorah

Yet another unfilled niche on the web.

You can see our other holiday (Christmas and Hanukkah) images at these links:

Christmas

Hanukkah 

Paleo Gingerbread Men

I baked some "Paleo" Gingerbread Men: 

We're pretty confused about diet around here, but definitely sure the holidays are coming soon.

(For those not wasting their time fixating on diet: "Paleo" in this case meant "grain-free" and "dairy-free."  Or Premodern hunter/gatherers who did not get diabetes or autoimmune disorders. Take your pick.)

Ninja Gingerbread Men

My younger son has been wanting to make gingerbread cookies for a while now. I was stalling as his descriptions of the qualities he was looking for in a gingerbread cookie were daunting: detailed and very recognizably ninja shaped, yet simultaneously very soft, squishy and delicious.

I have always been a better frosting spreader than a baker. And recently due to my various health fixations, I have more or less purged any actual grains out of my baking rotation which makes things even more complicated. I have made many things with coconut flour, or almond....or tigernut flour... or cassava flour...the list goes on and on... that no one in the house wants to eat.

When it came time to finally make ninja gingerbread men this evening I was ready to make gluten-full regular gingerbread. But sadly, I discovered that we didn't even have any real flour in the house and I had to use "Paleo flour." And I resorted to blackstrap molasses as we did not have any of the regular stuff there either. So the gingerbread people will be perhaps a little too alternative and a little too nutritious for their own good....or at least a little too nutritious for my kids.

My older son tasted the gingerbread and told me it would be better if they were just "breadmen" without the ginger (and the other ingredients)

Oh well. As you can tell by the napkin, my perspective skills could use a bit of work as well as my baking skills. I will keep trying.

More Unsaleable Holiday Watercolors

Apparently the previous three were not enough.

Dark Side Gingerbread

We have neglected to make a gingerbread anything so far this year. The kids are really enthusiastic about frosting and candy, but frosting and candy that are not intended to be eaten fail to hold their attention for very long.

Perhaps unfortunately, after googling "gingerbread Death Star" with me, my younger son is now convinced that we should make something like that ourselves. Having made this napkin, however, I feel pretty fulfilled in my need for Star Wars gingerbread and am unlikely to take on a frosted AT-AT or the like....(I suspect that there must be some hot glue involved in those gingerbread Star Wars vehicles that one finds pictures online)

We finally (Yes! Finally!) saw the movie today, and I am fighting the urge to say something spoilery about with whom one makes gingerbread houses over the holidays...but I will refrain...mostly. I drew this before we saw the movie so no spoiling was intended.

My son has requested a "Han and Chewie frosting a gingerbread Millinneum Falcon" as a follow up.

I don't know...I have a bad feeling about what would happen with all that fur and frosting.

Holiday Card 2015

Happy Holidays 2015

I've been feeling a little hesitant to post actual images of my kids' faces recently. They are getting older and are more in charge of their online appearance...or lack thereof. However, as you can see, this was not a concern here. I am pretty confident that Google's face recognition software is not sophisticated enough to deal with this image.

The kids were quite pleased with their obscurity. (They stuck those bows on their own faces, that wasn't my doing) The actual card does not included the folded arms, but I think I like that part of it.

I do wish a little bit more of their faces were visible.

And, no, it is not a napkin, or even a drawing. Maybe I will do better on that front next year....

Here's our card from way back in 2011.  I don't think Google will be tracking their faces into adulthood based on that one either...

 

Holiday Kids with Rudolph Menorah

We usually take a picture of the kids for a holiday card. This year, they were feeling uncooperative and I was feeling uninspired, so I drew this very Thomas Kinkade style mess instead.

Yes, there is nothing worse than a saccharine portrait of children drawn by their parent.

...except perhaps adding a reindeer with a bike light strapped to his nose to that portrait.

My apologies to those who celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas... and to Thomas Kinkade enthusiasts also.

Alien and Predator Holiday Selfie

If it bleeds, we can celebrate Christmas with it.

Christmas is a pretty secular holiday at our house. When I was a child, I thought I could be both Jewish and Christian at the same time. But the reality is that despite the lighting of Hanukkah candles and the trimming of Christmas trees, we are not playing for either team.

But we can embrace the general spirit of generosity and togetherness in the season... particularly when it comes to the characters from violent movie and video game franchises.  The Santa/Rudolph theme is popular with the kids even if they don't have the same irrational affection for the old stop motion Rudolph TV show that I do.

I am afraid that they have more affection for the Alien vs Predator franchise in fact.

Zombie Santa and Skeleton Rudolph

That's a red flashlight in the reindeer skull's nasal cavity, if that needs to be said.

It's all just holiday build-up from here on out.  We are not especially observant of any particular tradition beyond the giving of presents to our children. I've done a lot of asking...like, "So what are YOU planning to GIVE to your grandma?...or aunt?...or father?" Because, of course, it is better to give than to receive.  Or at least it is best to not annoy the adults around you with your greedy requests to the point where they decide to give you nothing.

While it is true that I could use some brains for the holidays...despite my somewhat jaundiced parental perspective on the holidays, the drawing of Undead Santa and Very Dead Rudolph is not for my kids. It is for for "Deck the Halls," a holiday auction  to benefit The New York Academy of Art, where I teach occasionally...

I teach sculpture at the NYAA, and most definitely not the drawing of zombies on napkins, just to be clear.

Darth Santa and Kylo Ren

They find your lack of holiday cheer disturbing:

It seems far too early for Christmas themed napkins, but with "The Force Awakens" breathing down our necks, I felt it might be time for this image.

The kids have been very pleased lately with Jeffrey Brown's book "Darth Vader and Son." But when choosing a kid to put in Lord Vader's lap, the boys agreed that Kylo Ren was the one who would be most comfortable there.

From Halloween to Christmas

Ansel's napkins from the fall holiday season, more or less.
Certain themes stand out: Rocket Raccoon and the Guardians of the Galaxy, Sea Otters, Ewoks and Star Wars.

Holiday Season Sea Otters

Bi-denomenational Sea Otters acknowledge the holidays.

Yesterday was Ocean Animal report presentation day in Second Grade.
Afterward, Ansel officially informed me that now there should be no more napkin drawings of Sea Otters.

I am an occasional adjunct faculty member at the New York Academy, and am in the midst of end of semester thesis critiques this week.  While I am a sculptor, I've spent the majority of my waking hours over the last two days looking at, and attempting to talk about, paintings. Last night Ansel asked if any students were painting Sea Otters, and told me that I should definitely bring home a picture for him if there were any such paintings.

I debated whether I should be offended that he didn't want me to draw any more Otters, but was so keen to see other peoples images. Of course, I say that facetiously, as ever bothering to be offended by my kids would lead to constant tribulation and idiocy.

But I did draw some more Sea Otters last night, mostly just to be perverse.
Ansel seemed pleased enough with them this morning, but I can observe that while my 2D skills have improved over the years, I will not be getting an MFA in painting...or napkin drawing, any time soon.

Below is one of my son's nice drawings from his report.

Grinch and Gamora

"This green bore is not my friend...."
Or: "Just because we are both green, doesn't mean we have anything in common."

I knew this one was a bad idea from the start, but it went even more wrong than I could have anticipated. 

While I do select what to draw on these napkins with my sons' interests foremost in mind, my own issues about being the mother of two over indulged white boys who consume a lot of mainstream pop culture material creeps into the mix in some not entirely positive ways.

I thought "Guardians of the Galaxy" was a pleasantly entertaining movie, but having watched some of it again recently, (released on DVD and iTunes this week) I am reminded that it suffers from some of the usual gender and racial "insensitivities." As Gamora is the only central female character, and ahem, the only "person of color" in the cast with a large part, she stands at the center of these problems.

In a minor example: one of the biggest laugh lines in the movie as far as my sons were concerned occurs when Drax, a very literal thinker, declares the rest of the Guardians to be his friends.  He says something like, "You, Quill, are my friend. This dumb tree is also my friend. And this green whore is also my friend..." In fact, the only promiscuous character in the group is Star Lord, but Drax refers to him by name rather than calling him more appropriately "this pink whore." While Gamora is "a warrior and an assassin," she is still saddled with a peekaboo outfit and intermittent sexual slurs.

The variously brightly hued people in "Guardians" made me think of the often used invocation of strangely colored people to dismiss the topic of race: i.e. phrases like, "I don't care if you are white, black, yellow or purple..."  This sort of phrase usually comes out of the mouths of white people who are in the midst of claiming that race does not matter to them or to the world at large....( see the blog stuffwhitepeoplesay.com for a clearer discussion of this)  There are a lot of green, yellow, magenta and blue people in the movie... but... they are still mostly white.
 
I am pretty sure that I am not succeeding in conveying the importance of these issues to my sons.  My hectoring just makes them tune out all the more:  "Do your homework! Pick up your room! Brush your teeth! Don't be an insensitive, overentitled, chauvinistic, racist asshole!"

What does all this have to do with the poor Grinch? you might ask.
I am not entirely sure, but I think he might be a victim here as well.