Just Do It

Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf Says "JUST DO  YOUR HOMEWORK!!!"

Our younger son attends an excellent school, which makes us all very happy most of the time. But there is the matter of the phone book sized stack of homework pages assigned for the summer.  Our son is a relatively responsible student when it comes to this sort of thing....but he is still a ten year old on summer vacation, so, to put it mildly, there is some resistance. And as is the case in all things, I am in charge of nagging.

If only I could enlist Mr. LaBeouf's motivational assistance. 

It might be impossible to completely miss Shia LaBoeuf's meme-worthy real life antics, but perhaps you don't have YouTube watching children and have remained blissfully ignorant of the "JUST DO IT!!!" or "Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf" memes. 

I cannot claim any expertise here, but I did scan the "know your meme" pages on these topics...and might have watched the videos in their entirety.

It seems that a few years ago, Mr LaBeouf performed a histrionic motivational speech against a green screen background which was then posted to YouTube. The video, while mostly grating to watch, spawned a thousand memes- or at least a good many...to the point that, my sons, who were not really sure who Shia LaBeouf was at the time, were quite aware of it.

See the original video, if you must

Or, read about the JUST DO IT meme.

In a unrelated development, composer/songwriter Rob Cantor posted a humorous song about Mr. LaBeouf being a cannabalistic killer on SoundCloud in 2012. Mr. Cantor explained the origin of the song at some point as being just that he found whispering the name Shia LaBeouf to be funny. This song, again, begat many renditions and memes, and was later produced by Mr. Cantor into a rather lavishly staged performance featuring interpretive dancers wearing giant Shia heads, two choirs, a string quartet, and the perhaps supportive participation of Shia LaBeouf himself.

Here you can read about the Shia LaBeouf Actual Cannibal meme

Or watch the Actual Cannibal song by Rob Cantor video performance
Worth a view if you haven't seen it. Unless you have better things to do?

I combined various instances of LaBeoufery along with a poorly drawn likeness of the man here on the napkin. His pose and outfit is from the motivational video, the oversized head (I added large hands, just for good measure) and dancers hail from Rob Cantor's production. His hairstyle comes from another notable public appearance...perhaps when he was discussing his plagiarism. I can't remember.

My apologies to Mr. LaBeouf, meme makers, and actual cannibals everywhere.
And we still have homework to do.

Illegal Pets

The Not Fast and the Furrious:

I don't really have a good rationale behind this one, but I will take a swing at explaining it....

Pets, our lack of one and apparent inability to get one, is a constant topic of conversation between myself and my younger son. We keep trying to come up with some sort of engaging animal that he would enjoy caring for that wouldn't  cause an anaphylactic allergic reaction in his dad.

At some point, we discussed the possibility of a ferret, and even visited a pet shop that featured them while we were out of town. Because of course, they are still notoriously illegal as pets in NYC.  A quote from the press release from the NYC health department regarding ferret illegality:

"Ferrets are known for their unpredictable behavior, and they are prone to vicious, unprovoked attacks on humans....In New York... a ferret could crawl through holes in walls or travel along risers or ducts to other apartments, with potentially tragic consequences for the neighbor of a ferret owner."

Sounds bad, doesn't it? And kind of funny. I suspect dogs present a much bigger threat to city dwelling humans. Although the concept of roving packs of malicious ferrets creeping through the ductwork of large apartment building to attack unsuspecting neighbors makes a fine horror film plot.

Not that I am campaigning for ferrets in the city in general or in our home....

I just needed something to pair with the Giant African Land Snail to provide a sense of scale. Alas, enormous snails are not legal as pets in the entire United States. There is apparently some risk that they could become a dangerous agricultural pest...and that they can also damage buildings. (But can they go through ducts to attack neighbors?)

So, while I find the idea of a huge pet snail very entertaining to contemplate, it seems I will not be able to get a 10" tall snail for my son to snuggle.

He is not sad about that.

Pomeranians Celebrate the End of Shark Week 2017

My younger son thinks that a Pomeranian would be the best breed of dog for us to have...if we were able to have a dog. 

He has very defined opinions on what sort of haircut this hypothetical dog should have. 

He has not offered an opinion on what sort of shark costume would be preferable, so I am offering a few options here.

Sharks in Rainbow Six Siege

For Shark Week 2017

My older son has been playing a lot of "Tom Clancy's Rainbow Siege" with friends from school.

The game's website explains that "Siege is a brand-new style of gameplay embracing the reality of counter-terrorist operatives across the world: intense and asymmetrical close-quarters combat between attackers and defenders."

Sounds compelling, but maybe what it really needs is playable sharks.

Shark Week Pizza Party

(But don't hang around to find out who doesn't get a second slice)

There was pizza in the lunch boxes. That's my excuse.

The Red Hood and Deadpool

The Red Hood and Deadpool Point Some Fingers Nonviolently:

One cannot help but notice the similar appeal of these two red masked individuals. 

And their visual appeal is intensified when they are holding and pointing their guns. 

I was trying to find a less weaponized arrangement for the two that also explained why they are so close to one another....other than to fit on the napkin...

I thought perhaps the finger trap allowed for some gratifying finger pointing posing without the actual guns.

Maybe.

Unfortunately, it meant I had to draw both of their overly detailed gloves.

Uncle Feather from Judy Blume's "Superfudge"

The Mynah Bird from "Superfudge" shows how cosmopolitan he is.

Our younger son is supposed to read 2-6 chapter books out loud to an adult over the summer. 

We've been working our way through Judy Blume's "Superfudge" the sequel to "Tales of  a Fourth Grade Nothing"  reading on the subway train every morning on the way to camp.

Both books have quite a bit about pets, which as I may have mentioned, is a contentious topic around here.

In "Superfudge," the annoying younger brother, who previously distinguished himself by eating his older brother's pet turtle, gets a pet of his own, a talking Mynah bird. Uncle Feather has a sarcastic flair for word repetition and says hello in French. 

Sadly, Mynah birds are very hard to come by these days. I don't think they reproduce well in captivity. 

I'm not sure that a talking bird would fill the puppy shaped hole at our house anyway. 

Even if it spoke French.

Dragon Claws

No One Notices Your Dragon Claws on the New York City Subway:

(Adolescence can be rough, with ones body changing all the time.)

This image was based on some origami "dragon claws" (google it- they are a thing) that my older son wore all the way home from camp on the subway. 

But only on one hand. He needed the other hand to use his phone.

Sub Zero Serves Some Soft Serve

Injustice 2's Sub Zero Holds Cold Cones for the Belated Observance of National Ice Cream Day.

Sub Zero seems to be able to create frozen "clones" of himself and then use them as projectile weapons. Sadly, he does not extrude or throw frozen desserts. 

Our sons are always big fans of soft serve ice cream, particularly when it comes out of a Mr. Softee Truck. 

I did buy them each a soft serve cone from a truck on the actual day of National Ice Cream Day (July 16th) even though this napkin did not appear at a camp lunch until today (July 18th, National Caviar Day, unfortunately)

Demon of Song

The Demon of Song from Dark Souls 2 Reads the Label, Wondering Whether an Honest Kids Lemonade Packet Contains Too Much Sugar.

There are an endless number of creepy, gross bosses in the Dark Souls franchise.

This one is a giant nasty frog with a skull and spindly arms protruding from the mouth...or maybe it is some sort of skeleton wearing a frog? 

But even monsters need to consider excess carbohydrates and tooth decay. Right?

And this one has a lot of teeth to worry about.

(This Honest Kids Lemonade packet is in my kids' lunch boxes because, presumably, it has less sugar than some other things...)

Silk Impresses the Avengers With Her Spidey Skills

There is always a bedtime crisis at our house: Usually there is some crucial piece of unknown pop culture information that can only be acquired online. This happens in the time period after all electronic devices have been forcibly removed from circulation in preparation for bed.

The information crisis from a few nights ago was, "What is the name of the female hero in the Spiderverse who wears a grey outfit and a red scarf?"  My younger son swore that remaining ignorant of the answer was going to make it impossible for him to go to sleep that night.

I know very little now beyond the fact that her name is Silk and that supposedly she was bitten by the same radioactive spider as Peter Parker and has more or less the same powers.

Except her web shooting ability is "organic." She shoots web out of her fingers, I guess. And wears a bandana. Because no one can recognize you if half of your face is covered. Just ask Batman.

There also seems to be some romantic issues going on between her and Mr. Parker in the comics. I observe this only based on my 90 seconds of searching on Google.

Given the limited female superhero representation in the Marvel cinematic universe, it seemed only fair to sub her in as a shield snatching spider-person in "Civil War" ....or "Homecoming" for that matter.

Dark Souls Covetous Demon Covets Pizza

Because who doesn't?....

I've more or less given up on the concept of packing my kids super nutritious lunches. They are masters of intermittent fasting when sent to camp with a sack full of healthy vegetables and virtuous protein.

So far their pizza diet is not making them resemble this demon. 

So at least there's that. 

The Red Hood and Red Riding Hood's Wolf

This particular image of the Red Hood was a specific request from my son and is closely based on a drawing he found on Instagram. 

Normally, I would credit the artist, and post a link to the source, but my ten year old son can't remember where he got his screen shot from, and I haven't had any success finding it myself.  Perhaps we can turn it up eventually after camp is over and I am not trying to come up with two napkins every 24 hours....

I added the wolf, because wolves are always cool, and you know....the Red Hood thing. 

Garmr with Icee Pop

Dark Souls Undead Dog with Pink Ice:

A Dark Souls wiki explains: "Garmr is the truck-sized great guard dog of Niflheim, and together with Níðhöggr, one of Hel's loyal pets. Garmr also manages the souls of the dead like a sheepdog." 

So now you know.

At my kids' summer camp, each camper gets one icee pop at the end of every day.  These are the plastic tubes with frozen, fluorescent, artificially flavored, high fructose corn syrup laden liquids sometimes known as the brand "Fla-Vor-Ice.

I am told these ices are an absolutely essential component of the camp experience.

I thought that Garmr should not be denied this pleasure, despite being an undead hell hound. But it does seem like his teeth might get in the way.

Tigger in Fallout Power Armor

Continuing in the "Aunt & Uncle's pet cosplay" theme: here we have their cat Tigger sporting a suit of Fallout 4 power armor. That's some sort of bomb launcher on his right shoulder.

Unlike the samurai armor, I don't believe that Fallout mech suits for house cats are available for sale online.

But they should be, definitely

Samurai Millie

Samurai Millie

Various social media outlets recently alerted me to the fact that I can now purchase samurai armor suitable for pets....if we had any pets that were willing to wear such outfits.

An avid knitter during my childhood, I made more that one cat sweater for my disgruntled, curmudgeonly cat, Muffin. If I could manage to actually get the sweater on, she would promote collapse on the floor as if mortally wounded and refuse to move until the wretched abomination was removed. I can only imagine the enthusiasm with which she would have greeted a suit of cat sized samurai armor.

Perhaps my sons' uncle and aunt's good natured dog Millie would be more amenable.

But luckily for her, I only imagined her wearing the armor.

Deadpool in Fallout Land

I keep hoping that the pressure to have two napkins ready to go every camp day will lead to some sort of increase in drawing skill if I don't have time to fuss over the individual napkins.

Not so much so far. 

We do have results like this one. It might be a image of what the Deadpool mod looks like in Fallout 4. I did not have time to confirm the details. 

I liked the idea of the giant hammer. And the decomposing Starlight motel sign is always fun. 

My son said it was......ok.

Bear with Incorrect Horn

(Follow-up to Bear with Incorrect Wings on July 2nd)

My younger son was still working on his winged bear gargoyle sculpture at summer camp last week.

Apparently he told some of his fellow campers that he was going to put a unicorn horn on it, and one of them informed him that unicorns and unicorn parts were too girly. Just like the color pink. My son was happy to tell me how ridiculous he thought all this was...about the unicorns. 

But he does have some concerns about the color pink. 

Not too reveal too much, but in toddlerhood, both of my male children had a serious affection for pink objects...and particularly pink shoes. There might have been some plastic, heeled, open-toe dress up shoes in circulation at our house. And there might have been some pink Mary Jane style shoes that may even have been worn to preschool until the class bully nastily expressed his opinion about the the girliness of the shoes and their wearer. Maybe this happened. I cannot confirm the details.

Maintaining the appropriate level of manliness in preschool and lower school can be a strain on a boy. 

Sometimes they need access to unicorn horns and pink stuff too.

Deadpool Celebrates the 4th of July

Deadpool Celebrates the Fourth of July:

Bomb Pops are definitely more my fixation than that of my sons.  I remember many red, white and blue popsicles from my own childhood. I might have liked them almost as much as fudgsicles. My kids, however, certainly wouldn't say no to one.

They are happy about pretty much anything that comes out of an ice cream truck.  Apparently the truck makes whatever it is taste it so much better. They are totally unmoved by the prospect of fancy gelatos or homemade organic freezer pops or ice creams in interesting flavors. 

Perhaps Deadpool might feel the same.

(Yes, he's sucking it right through his mask. Why not?)

Minions Offer Thanos a Bomb Pop

Happy 4th from the Minions and Despicable Thanos:

We saw the new Despicable Me movie yesterday.

And my younger son says he can't wait for "Avengers: Infinity War"

Of course, this image is a retread...or part of a series...
From 2015

From 2013

Spellcasting in Skyrim

My older son has been doing a lot of this lately.

The hands are much farther apart on the screen, of course.

Drawing two napkins per day is proving to be a challenge, so I've had to chose some more simple images than usual.

Can you tell?

Bear with Incorrect Wings

Our younger son is working on a "gargoyle sculpture" at summer camp this week. His plan was to make a bear with wings. After I drew this napkin, he informed me that it is a bear with "devil wings!" 

Of course it is. 

What was I thinking?

If John Constantine Were a Pug

Our younger son is still interested in the Marvel's Constantine character. He appreciates John's seedy, morally questionable nature...and his trench coat. 

We've read a couple comic series and watched the Keanu Reeves movie, but for some reason haven't dipped into the recent TV show yet.

I couldn't decide whether I should draw him in his comic, Keanu or Matt Ryan form.

The obvious solution was to draw him as a pug.

And on a side note, summer camp has started and both kids are taking a packed lunch. This means that theoretically I am on the hook for two napkins a night. We have some napkins left over from the proceeding school year, but they are proving to be strangely unsatisfying to the napkin recipients. So far I have kept up with the demand, despite the fact that I can no longer stay up late to do anything, much less draw on napkins.

But I have fallen far behind on the posting of the napkins.

And, as my sons can tell you, the quality of the output is really suffering.