Friday, September 18, 2015

Infant Ninja in Baby Bjorn Carrier

Even assassins need oral gratification:

While my younger son and I were discussing "The Infant Ninja," we agreed that he should be carried in a Baby Bjorn by a well-armed, deadly looking robot. And that he should have a teething toy that squirted poison gas.

I carried both of our kids in a sling (separately, not ever together, although that was often requested bu the then four year old elder brother) for years until the gel in my vertebrae squeezed out in several places.

But we were definitely not a Baby Bjorn family.  There seemed to me something slightly silly about the Bjorns.  The design was both vaguely bondage-like and awkwardly sporty.

I realize the complete idiocy of this opinion being expressed by a woman who owned a whole wardrobe of  slings. After 12 years of parenting failures, I certainly do not presume to judge anyone for practically anything... much less the use of a Bjorn.  For my compulsive baby-sling use, I can only offer the justification that we live in New York and I had to take the train with both kids, early and frequently.  In place of a stroller or a front facing Bjorn, the slings were a low profile way to keep strangers from touching the baby... or even breathing directly on him.

A robot with a baby in a sling didn't seem quite right to me when I started the drawing...although the more that I think about it, maybe a nice rainbow sling with rings on a killer robot would be more amusing...

I tried to combine the winsome qualities of the Terminator and the Iron Man/ War Machine suits: i.e., those scary red eye lights and the ridiculous-on-robots humanoid teeth, with the segmented suit with the shoulder mounted grenade launchers.  The result on the napkin was both creepy and a bit flat... but the robot is basically backdrop, so I decided not to sweat it too much.

At the last minute, I had to add a Sophie the Giraffe teething toy to the image...  We had one of these "mouth animals" during my first son's infancy.  I cannot remember who bought it. I knew at the time that it was a somewhat expensive and trendy article. Looking it up now, however, I discover that not only is it a remarkably pricey chew toy, it is the number one selling baby item on Amazon. During my organic-food-making, toxin-fearing, irrational mother of an infant stage, I was aware that Sophie was supposed to be a better, more healthful toy, made of "natural rubber" and "food paint" in France. Of course, subsequently there were rumors of carcinogens and a recall.

I do remember that our Sophie developed a nasty smell that seemed to squirt out from the interior when it was squeezed.  I cannot say whether it was from inherent vice, from exposure to my son's saliva, or just poor maintenance on my part,

But it now seems appropriate that the infant ninja's trendy mouth animal might squirt poison gas.

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